Kessie's Short Stories

Ten Steps

Originally written 2/5/2021

Ten more steps.

Do you ever have those dreams where you're reaching or running away from something, but no matter how hard you try, things just continue to fall out of your grasp? There's a force, a voice, inside of me that keeps this nightmare of mine present even while alive. I know it's not real. I know that I'm just tired of fighting for someone who never fought for me. But the force, the voice, it's powerful. It knows me. It listens to everything I hear. What I say. What I do. It's everywhere. It weighs down on my limbs and hisses that I should stop. Maybe I should. But i can't. I'm stronger than this force, this voice, and I will not let it claim me again. Not again.

Five steps.

It hurts to move. I can barely shuffle my feet forward. The voice is more distant but too, too close for comfort. I want to be done. I want to lie down and just give up. Before, when I was weaker, I would have listened. I would have lied down and let the voice take over my body. Let it control the life I could never- maybe it would do better than I have. But that was just the thing, wasn't it? This force, this voice, it only wanted to do more harm. It was even more spineless than I was. More scared to reach out and just do something other than listen to itself all day and night. No, I have to move forward.

Two.

My arms feel foreign as I reach out, ready to touch the cold feeling of anything but still not registering that I am in control. The voice is almost diminished, but its cries for authority still siege my movements like a curse. I want to break out of this curse. I don't even know if it is. I want out. I want freedom. I'll always come back, though, this is still my body, my mind, my alien movements that wish to do something better. Something greater. I came here to break free from that voice, that force, which wanted nothing more than to hold me back. I'm better than it. I am braver than it could ever be.

I just need to move.

It's just ten more steps.