Kessie's Short Stories

Major Mathias

Originally published 6/21/2020

Major Mathias was a comic book hero that everyone adored back in middle school. I didn't really keep up with the series, but learned about most of it from some of my friends. In it, the series detailed Major Mathias, a hero the likes of Superman; a jack of all trades with very little, if any, weaknesses. The fanbase was split between the boys and girls; the boys enjoyed the masculinity, the girls more so- but for a different reason, if you catch my drift.

In every issue, Major Mathias would battle his ultimate enemy -the grotesque looking Calamity Carlisle- and peace would reign again for another issue. It was a really predictable formula the more you thought about it. The formula for each comic book issue was the reason why I eventually lost interest in the series. I made fun of my friends for actually being surprised for the twist that C.C. had been disguised as a friendly character in a bid to trick Mathias. Like, no, you obviously knew that idiot was not who he said the moment he glared at the hero a funny way. It was, like, a calling card or something.

I completely fell out of the series once we got to high school. I still had a few close friends that were interested in the series, but they knew better than to tell me what was happening. It worked out pretty well, actually. For the bulk of high school I never heard a word about Major Mathias and it was an absolute dream.

But then something happened.

In an issue published on June twentieth 2016, Major Mathias went missing. And, apparently, not even the writer knew where he had gone. It was just like Mathias had just up and disappeared from the series without any input from the writer at all. Now, I'm not talking about that old 'my character made me do this while I was writing' trope that writers talk about; according to the main writer, Major Mathias was actually gone from something they had already written. Any reference to Mathias was replaced with empty space and an occasional threat from Calamity Carlisle. There were photos uploaded to the publisher's Twitter and Facebook feeds that gave before and after comparisons.

A lot of these looked like a really poor Photoshop edit.

While my friends all freaked out about this mystery, I laughed it off as an elaborate ARG the publisher was doing to drum up hype for some new storyline or another. At that point, Major Mathias was a dying series anyway. Writers switched hands every other week; there were even rumors that some artists didn't even make it to the end of the issue. They always felt 'too sick' or 'felt like they were being watched' while they worked in their private homes. It was always some excuse after another- but the publishers would just refuse to let the dumb series die and have at it.

Now with Major Mathias 'mysteriously' disappearing from his own series, it looked like the perfect time to finally pull the plug. It was a brilliant excuse, honestly, and one that I admired in a 'fuck you' kinda way. Why give your series a proper end when you can just make your hero go away?

I'm sure you're sick of hearing about Major Mathias by now. What else more could I say about a comic book hero I lost interest in? I bet you're curious about who I am, and why I'm telling this story. Or not. Maybe you liked Major Mathias or something, good on you. But I want to be narcissistic now and you're going to like it.

My name is Philomena Jasper Nikoya. You can call me Fili if you'd like, it's usually easier to remember for most people. If you haven't noticed, I like writing- at the same time, I completely despise it. You can thank the dumb plots of Major Mathias for that; I used to write a lot of fix-it fanfictions back in middle school. Most of them involved Calamity Carlisle to actually win for once. Others involved Major Mathias actually recognizing that paper thin disguise because, my god, how dumb do you have to be to keep falling for that?