Being Dead Sucks (OumaSai/SaiOuma) -Being Edited-

18

hi 

slow burn go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

welp don't worry because it's about time for me to speed it uP

I think I have a crush on Shuichi.

No, more than that. I think I've fallen in love with him. I've tripped over my shoelace and tumbled all the way down into the dark death pit of love and hit my head on the way down, and now I'm stuck down here to rot with no way out.

It's a stupid thing for me to say, a stupid thing for me to think about, really. But I don't know how else to define this feeling. 

I first realized maybe that was it a few nights ago. When I fell off of the railing. Something about that moment was just... different. It's hard to explain. I wanted to spend more time with him, I really did, but I was just so embarrased, and I ended up leaving him by himself.

Just my luck, huh? I die, come back, finally find someone who can save me, and I end up falling for them. I end up falling for someone I know I probably can't have. 

I need to find my soulmate, and the chances that he's the one are probably incredibly low. We're barely even friends. We couldn't be more different. That witch girl would have mentioned something by now if that were the case. I can't just neglect that and stay dead and chase after another guy, one who I know will never feel anything towards me in a million years. I annoy him nonstop, and the chances that he'd like me are just... not looking good.

But being around him makes me really happy. Whenever he shows me affection or makes contact with me, I get this stupid floaty feeling in my stomach like I learned how to fly. Ha, more like I jumped off a cliff.

I hate it so much. I shouldn't be allowed to fall for him. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. But it did. And I don't know how long I'll be able to ignore it for until it rises up to the surface and spills its way out.

I let out an angry groan into the pillow my face is buried in, punching it a few times for good measure. This is what I've been doing ever since he left  today, and I know how pathetic it is. It's not like punching a pillow and yelling is gonna do anything, and I'm starting to get bored. 

I really wish he could stay home. I know how selfish it is, but it's so boring doing nothing all day, and I don't want to go back to school. It'd hurt way too much seeing my old classmates, my friends that no longer are aware of my existence, the halls I spent almost three years of my life running around.

I get up from the couch, tossing the pillow aside and into a wall. I haven't eaten anything today. I haven't felt like it. To be honest, I'm kind of curious what will happen if I just... don't. Will I get skinnier and skinnier, slowly wasting away until I'm nothing but a pile of malnourised bones with nothing inside except for the unending hunger slowly gnawing at me? To be honest, I'd take almost anything over these stupid feelings.

I open the pantry, sifting through the various things. Rice, canned food, instant ramen, potatoes, onions, bags of chips. Nothing looks appealing to me. I sigh and shut the door, empty-handed.

I'm so incredibly bored that I don't even know what to do with myself, and that's seriously the worst. 

Suddenly, I spot something that could possibly alleviate my boredom.

I reach for the knife block sitting on the counter next to the toaster and pull a kitchen knife out of one of the slots. It's long and thin with a shining blade and looks to have been recently sharpened. He takes good care of his knives. Since he cooks a lot, I suppose that makes sense.