Being Dead Sucks (OumaSai/SaiOuma) -Being Edited-

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i've got the fasted copy and pasting from google docs fingers you've ever seen fam

It's even better now with Mochi around. He's like an extra friend to keep me company on days I don't feel like going to school with Shuichi, so it's not so lonely anymore. I still miss him, but not as much now that there's someone I can hang out with. Even though he can't see or feel me, just like everything else, it's just like what happened in the alley. It's like he feels my presence. Not in the same way you feel someone touch you when you're alive, but he knows I'm there somehow. And he doesn't seem to have problems messing around with a floating ball of yarn.

The night we took Mochi home, Shuichi googled himself to all hell trying to do research on how to take care of a cat. I think he was starting to forget to blink, and by the looks of it, was partially brain dead by the time I came around to telling him to stop.

The next day, after he got home, he took me shopping to get stuff for Mochi. Shuichi kept him in his original cardboard box for safekeeping, but with proper blankets and some food and water.

While we were at the petstore, we got a collar made for him, went shopping for food and toys, and got a litterbox. Me and Shuichi were talking about what weather we preferred, and a very confused-looking attendant walked in on our conversation, probably wondering why the emo boy carrying a bag of cat toys was admiring fish and talking to himself about snow like a crazy person. They just kind of stared at each other, until he turned around and speed walked away. We were both laughing like crazy after that.

So now Mochi has a cute purple collar with a gold tag that has his name and Shuichi's phone number engraved on it. He wanted my name on it too, but it would be super weird if he had the name of some dead classmate of his on his cat's collar. That would definitely raise questions.

He seems to have lived in a house before, as he's actually very well trained. He's well behaved, hasn't tried to scratch Shuichi once, and knows how to use a litterbox just fine. He reminds me of Rantaro's cat, Suki. I feel like they would be friends.

Mochi is curled up in a little ball of fur on the couch next to me, asleep. I gently stroke his head, staring out the window and watching as the little specks descend from the night sky, slowly carpeting the ground in a powdery white coating.

Me and Shuichi both really love the snow. A lot of the time when we talk, I find little things that him and I have in common with each other. We get along a lot better than you would think. I feel like I'd be better off if he hated me.

I need to tell him how I feel. I know how utterly selfish it is. I lasted a disappointingly short amount of time, but I already feel like I'm going to explode going through days of interactions with him stuffing it down and forcing myself to not just blurt it out. God, that's embarrassing.

I didn't think I'd ever feel this way about anyone, ever. I always vowed to my friends that I'd never fall in love, that I'd grow up being single and proud forever and that I didn't need someone else to rule the world all by myself. And never did I ever think in a million years that I would die, come back, meet my opposite, and proceed to fall for him like a dumbass.

I guess it makes sense. He's the only one I can interact with, and he's helped me through a lot. He's the only person in my life it'd make sense for me to fall for. My friends I think more of as a family to me, like older brothers. Everyone else I just don't talk to or think about. It makes sense and yet it doesn't at the same time. I don't know why I did this to myself, but here I am.

Tomorrow. I'm gonna tell him tomorrow. Tonight, I don't feel like I can. I'm too comfortable on the couch with Mochi looking out the window without throwing a wrench in that. He's sitting across from me on a chair, reading. We're in a peaceful silence, enjoying each other's company without needing to talk. Telling him that I'm in love with him would probably interrupt that.