Being Dead Sucks (OumaSai/SaiOuma) -Being Edited-

27

lmao jk suckers

I HATE THIS CHAPTER TOO W H A T IM HAVING AN EXTISTENTIAL CRISIS WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FANFIC TROPEY BULLSHITESLKHFYASKYFUIASHFJAKSHFGJKASHFJKASHFJAHFJKSAHFJKASHFKJSAHFKJASKFHASJKFHJASKGFJKASHFKASJHFASK 

SKIP THIS FUCKING CHAPTER TOO IF YOU DON'T AWANT SDTO CRING SITNS SO BADF ASLHFJA I HATE HTIS AOFHDF

KILL IT WITH IFRe AND WTATH IT BURN

I need to get up. I need to move. I need to get away from here. I need to run away.

I want to give up so badly. I want to die, really. I've lost one of the only things I had left to hold onto, just like that. If I die, does that mean we could be together? He could move on, and so would I, and we could be happy? But no, that isn't fair. That isn't right. I can't just give up on him.

Because I know that he wouldn't give up on me.

I force myself to stagger to my feet, trying to ground myself and even my breathing. It's been several minutes now- several minutes spent on the cold ground, crying. Several minutes lost. There's still a chance to find him. But I can't do it without help. For now, all I can do is go home. If I spend much more time out here, I really will get sick from the cold.

Slowly, I start walking back, forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other without tumbling to the ground and breaking down again. It feels like none of this is real. Like it's all just a dream. He wouldn't do that, right? This just... isn't real.

But it is. I can't deny it. All I can do is try and fix it.

After several minutes of walking numbly towards my house, I'm in front of the front door and I place my hand on the knob, turning it and pushing the door open. It doesn't feel right being here without him. I spent so much time alone, and then finally found someone, and now that he's gone the silence is so loud.

I let myself fall onto the couch, staring up at the roof. I feel like I should cry, but it's like I've run out. I cried so much back there, and I just don't have anything left in me anymore. I just feel so empty and alone and hopeless. 

I hear a soft and concerned meow and turn towards it, seeing Mochi standing on the couch, staring down at me with his head tilted. Even though it's almost impossible to read his expression, I can tell he knows something's wrong. Perhaps it's because the first thing that usually happens when I walk through the door is that a force he can't see goes up to him and pets him affectionately, and now he senses the loss of that presence.

Mochi walks over to me and buries himself between my arm and my body. It's almost as if he's trying to comfort me. I smile sadly at him, petting his head. His ears lower sadly and ne meows dejectedly.

"This isn't your fault. It's not mine, it's not his, it's not anyone's. Don't feel bad. I'll bring him back." I mutter. He simply yawns.

And it's then that I find my lost tears, alone in a house I was used to having someone else's presence in. They come streaming down my face in a constant movement, and wiping them away is futile. They just keep falling and falling, and I can't stop them.

Suddenly, I hear the doorbell ring.

"Who's here at this time...?" I mutter, swiping my tears away only to have them be replaced with new ones. Suddenly, a flame of hope ignites inside of me. Maybe it's-?!

I stand up, being careful not to hurt Mochi, and run over to the door, throwing it open. "Koki-!"

But standing there on the front doorstep is Himiko, staring up at me. The flame of hope dies once again.