Craving him: The beginning of us

25- Yale University 

Arielle

November 1,2020 Monday

The rest of the school day Riley avoided me every chance she got. I was alone because of a guy. Never thought in a million years this would happen to me.

I  wish I, I would stay away from him but I can't and I can't figure it out why. It's  like whenever he's around me I can't think straight and my actions reflect that. But hearing that he was still sending letters to Madeline upset me.

I think it's because I know a little part of him is always going to believe her over me. Like when I said she was planning to break us up he doesn't believe me. It's like he's blinded by her to see that she's actually evil.

I stand here waiting for Blaine to pick me up. I decided to finally get my life back together I can't be doing this. My grades are going to suffer and I already lost people.

He pulls up as I sit in the car I stay silence I grab my book from my bag and put my headphones in. I'm trying to avoid him but he's my only ride.

He snatches the headphones from my ears "so this is what we're doing now avoiding each other ? oh please Elle."

"I can't do this anymore Blaine. Soon enough my grades are going to suffers and then I'm left with nothing. I lost all my boyfriends and my friends because of you I'm alone".

"You can't put that on me Elle. We both did this together."

"And I'm ending it, we were never meant for each other. We both different people, different lives. Our worlds were never meant to collide."

"Maybe it did for the better. This is more out of fear then anything else. You have feelings for me so your running away from it instead of facing it because your scare I'm going to hurt you"

I respond " you already have".

He's silence staring at me like I said something terrible to him. I almost feel bad but it had to come out. I had to take a stand because if I don't it's just going to keep happening. The whole past months I have been tied to Blaine like a leash. I feel like I been getting dragged along with Blaine like it's never going to stop and he's definitely not ready for a real commitment.

"Let's face it we were just sleeping together Blaine. Your not relationship people you never have been. But me I'm relationship people you don't know how it feels to feel like your close but never close enough"

"Is this about Madeline? You think the reason I keep her around is because I still love her. How many times do I have to tell you I'm yours for you to believe me?" He pauses waiting for me to answer.

When he realizes I'm not going to say anything he continues "Your never going to believe me are you?, you see me as the Blaine I was. Im not that person anymore and you should know that out of everyone". He hits the steering wheel out of anger.

I hadn't realized we were still at school everyone staring at us again gossiping. I just want to go home I don't know what I'm doing and it seems like with every decision it gets worse and worse.

"And what if we were together huh? Are you really ready for that type of commitment ?" I asked him.

He reached over to me and put his hand on my cheek "I don't know but I want to try" he looks straight into my eyes.

He starts driving back home and I think about what he said. He's willing to try so I should be too right? I think I'm too afraid to fall from him but it's already too late. I'm already in too deep.

I realize he's not taking me to home I ask him "where are you taking me?"

He says "it's a surprise". I don't recognize the place we're going to and I have lived here my whole life. The street are filled with traffic of incoming cars. Beeping noises fill the car. I roll my windows down to sink in the air.