Burnt

Butterfly Kisses

The night went on fast. I did my usual chores. I made dinner, gave Matthew a hot shower and lulled Sofie to sleep. Finally, it's time for my long bath.

I went inside the bathroom, stripped off my clothes and left it on the floor. I slowly let myself in the tub and closed my eyes. Everytime I get to do this, I always picture myself as some other person. Someone who is in touch with the world. I see myself in a club drunk and dancing like there's no tomorrow, or out in a strange country braving the unknown. I guess, that is what is lacking in myself. Life. I have been so busy with doing what I think should be done.

I forgot how to live.

The faint knock on my door awakened me from my thoughts and it slowly creaked as I heard footsteps towards the tub. I opened my eyes and saw Derek gloriously bathe in the bathroom's yellowish light. His whole naked body gleamed. Like a greek God he towered over me with that sly grin I have always loved.

"Oh Derek!" I gasped as I anticipate what he was about to do. He let himself in the tub and started caressing my shoulders then my neck then his fingers trailed my lips and stopped there, teasing me with his knowing look, he slowly closed the gap between our lips, stopped abruptly right before we touched. He's always like that, mocking me, making me excited. For a brief moment, breathless as I was, I felt so alive.

When our lips touched it was with a force so powerful it shook my senses. Almost instantly knowing the teasing is enough to have me longing for him, He made love to me right then and there. It was beautiful. It was pure bliss. It was like a blaze of fire the crackled and burned until we were both gasping for air, and then it was done.

He chuckled and smiled at me, kissed me in the forehead and said. "I love you babe." I looked at him and gave a weak smile, he is just so beautiful. So magnificent and unlike me, he looks, feels and acts so alive.

I met Derek at a party on one of our new cover launches for MET. He was one of the models who has graced our Hunks of the Year issue. I always hated male models, I have always thought of them as narcissistic idiots. But, surprisingly, Derek was different. He approached me by the bar made a comment about my outfit being mismatched with the shoe I was wearing. Saying that Valentinos doesn't really go with Chanel dresses. I, of course am outraged.

"How nice of you to approach me like that! Mister, mister...uh! Pretty male tramp!" I said to him flushed and stuttering, as I always do when I get mad.

He then just let out a chuckle held his hand to me and said. "I believe I have not introduced myself properly, I am Derek Fullerton. And madam, I was just playing with you, you actually look stunning and breathtaking that I had to go up to you to get your attention. You look lovely when you're quiet but even more beautiful angry. I was actually trying to hit on you."

I gaped at him stunned and open mouthed.

He stepped closer, held my chin slowly closing my mouth. He then said, "I see that this tramp of a man standing in front of you have really made you upset eh? I think I will need to buy you a drink and proper dinner. Shall we?" He said to me with his signature grin slash smirk that had me instantly falling head over heels and just like that our story started.

As cliche' sounding as it is, it's like being in the Jerry Maguire movie. He, absolutely had me with his smile.

Derek had been a close companion. He respected my busy schedule and my reservation towards adventure. Yet he would from time to time take me to eat at weird restaurants offering unappealing sounding foods that I would end up loving. He would take me to bars and convince me to pole dance with him. He would plan getaways and had me hiking mountains that I never even heard off and had convinced me to take a full week off from work (a thing that a workaholic like me finds so irresponsible) to go to a virgin island beach. There he proposed to me by the shore.

"Ashley, I never felt anything even close to this as I am feeling for you. I can never look at another woman the way I see you."

He knelt on the sand on one knee and let out a tiffany diamond ring. Simple and stunning it took my breath away.

"Will you do me the honor of marrying you?"

With that, I sobbed so hard and hugged him. Gave him butterfly kisses all over his face and said. "Yes! Of course I will babe. I will."

We contacted his friend that is a captain of a cruise ship. Got on board and got married the same day.

Derek made me like that. Spontaneous, exciting and happy. He gives color to my world.

You may be asking, so what's wrong with me?! Why do I dread my married life?

I have been so attached to Derek that I never really learned to live my life by myself. I never really knew how to be happy without Derek.

The only thing that makes me happy now are my kids. When I had them, I again resigned to my boring life and devoted my entire energy and efforts in giving them everything.

And somehow, moments with Derek, just like today have been so rare and though we don't talk about it, we know deep down it's not the same anymore. We have a mutual understanding that we are married and should stay that way, eventhough we know we are no longer the people we were. Or I must say, I became worst than what I was before we met.