Burnt

Morning After

I awoke at the sound of muffled sobbing beside my ears and I could feel my cheeks dampen. I slowly opened my eyes and got shocked with the blinding white lights. The realization hit me. Everything that happened last night was true and life as inevitable as it already is, seems more like a really horrible nightmare.

I looked at my side and saw Ashley, her shoulders were rocking due to the force of her crying. She looked up at me and felt stiff. It was as if I caught her red handed. Maybe, just maybe, she still loves me. I tried to talk and I choked on the effort which suddenly reminded me of the tube inserted in my mouth. Her hazel eyes stared at me with a gloomy expression. I cannot fathom whether it is anger, hatred or fear? I cannot tell.

She opened her mouth as if about to say something but hesitated then she pulled out a weary smile instead and told me. "It's nice to see you awake Derek. You slept for more than 10 hours and I really feel terrible...I'm so sorry..." and with that, tears started to stream her cheeks once more. I moved my hand with all the effort I could and lightly brushed off a tear. She caught my hand and held it to her face and told me, "I never imagined our life together to come to this point. All I know and want is to have you okay again.." She paused seemingly trying to stop herself from breaking down and then said to me, "You will always be my Derek remember that...will make it through somehow..."

Our conversation was cut short when a small knock on the door was heard and the door knob was turned. In came a silhouette in white and an old man in his fifties appeared beside my bed.

"Good morning, I am Dr. John Harper, I am your surgeon. I have something to discuss to your wife. Can we be excuses for awhile?"

Ashley was about to stand up but I pressed her hand tightly hoping that she would understand that whatever this man has to say, I need to hear it.
She seemed to have understood and let out a short throaty cough. "We can talk here doctor, I am sure my husband, knowing him, would prefer to hear what you have to say to me..."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Harper answered with furrowed brows that seem to not sit right with me. It made me uncomfortable. He looked at Ashley for a moment and when she did not respond nor flinched, he went on."

You had myocardial infarction or commonly known as heart attack, the good news about it is that you are able to survive it and be here with us today, however, a large part of your heart's arteries have been damaged that is why we need to put those machines on you to help your heart pump. The workload that your heart needs to do however normal, has been very substantially affected. Due to the damage, it cannot function well."

Ashley cut him short and said "But, he is okay doc, right?"

Dr. Harper let out a sigh and said, "I am sorry to say but Mr. Fuller, your heart is failing you...and we are trying our best to get it back into shape...then again, I cannot make any promises. I'm really sorry."

Just like that my world started to crumble down. I cannot accept this.I have to stay alive! What about Ashley, what about my sweet, beloved kids?! How can I let them be orphaned by their father? How can I ever forgive myself if I will not be able to see them grow and be with them for all their lives. Tears started to form in my eyes. The truth is unbearable.

"Let's just do the best that we can Dr. Harper. I appreciate your honesty. We will manage our expectations. However, rest assured that we will exhaust all remedies you deem possible to prolong Derek's life. Thank you."

As I heard those words coming from my wife, I felt a beam of pride swell all over me. I never seen her so brave and strong. She said it just as it is. With a steady voice she had managed to say what should be said. She has handled the news with poise and calm. It somehow, not made me sad that it's because she doesn't love me anymore, instead it has given me a bit of relief knowing that she has the will to fight and accept both at the same time.

Strange as it may, however unfitting the situation is. Ashley made me see her like a Phoenix, reborn. Much stronger and braver. This is something new to me.

With that - I fell in love with my wife even more than before.