Burnt

The Irony

Have you ever felt like everything you did is a monotony of predetermined actions? It's as if everyday is already a "fine" day. With fine being defined as always the same, not bad or great. Just fine.

I am Ashley Perez. People will look at me and see a pretty little thing. Someone who has everything all worked out. Someone who doesn't make mistakes. Why wouldn't they? I graduated top of my class with several honors to boot. I have a great job as Editor of MET, the country's leading fashion and lifestyle magazine. Everybody look up to me. They all envy me. But, hey! I never asked for any of these. All I wanted is to feel alive.

Here's the deal, I am married at 26 with two kids. A boy and a girl. A picture perfect family. Again, everything in my life is nothing short of ideal.

Or is it? If only people would look at me and see the real deal.

It's noon again, always a not so busy time of the day at the office. The time I usually take a breather from the files of articles and layouts I have to review. My me-time, which usually means a delivery of fastfood where I vent all my frustrations through food. Unhealthy food that unfortunately still doesn't make me fat. You may say I am such a hateful bitch for hating my "perfect" life, but I never wanted this. All I want is to be normal for once, where there are no expectations, and people will look at me once and see nothing really special.

I sigh and let my hands trail my long loosely curled auburn hair. Bit my lips and let my eyes travel the inside of my chic office. "Why is everything so damn perfect?!" I looked at myself in the mirror and see the gorgeous girl in front of me. Fair olive skin, big almond eyes, arched eyebrows and long lashes. I could pass for a model if only I was taller.

Let me tell you though that I am the one to blame for everything. When I was younger, I just felt the need to make myself flawless, to make my parents proud and to make people look up to me. Now that I finally have all of that, I just realized that it's not what I want and what I have to do everyday, became a painful show I have to perform. I am trapped.

Deep inside, I am such a mess. I have everything in my hands but I always have this inexplainable feeling of emptiness. I have everything that I want, but feel like it's not what I need.

I stare blankly at the mountain of files on my desk and suddenly heard my alarm. "It's time..." I whisper to myself as I dread to face a more unbearable setting than my workplace - home.

The familiar feeling of hot sensation linger in my neck travelling to my cheeks and whole face begins again. I am burnt.