letters to rena

eleven years after you died...

hey rena;

they arrived today. they look so beautiful all wrapped up in their incubators. they're perfect.

two girls and one boy rena. i feel so blessed; so blessed because my dream came true. i think you may have have helped a little bit up there because having babies isn't easy ya know? but i wouldn't have it any other way. they are the third best miracle that has ever happened to me.

you know the others.

camden went out today to buy more baby clothes and toys because we weren't expecting a little baby boy. we thought we were expecting three girls, but i wouldn't trade him for the world. he's perfect.

honestly rena, i swear, if you and i had gone through this together, i can only pray that i would've fallen pregnant. you and your crazy hormones would have had my life turning upside down!

rena, i'm only kidding baby. you would have been the cutest pregnant lady. just like you would have been an adorable mommy. so with that said, i'd like you to be my babies guardian angel rena. there is no one else who could do as good a job protecting my babies like you will.

the little boy we named seth michael, after camden's late grandpa. the first little girl we named shay marie, and the second girl we named serena may.

i named her after you rena. she's beautiful. she's got the darkest eyes out of the three babies, plus she has the most soft porcelain skin. it's like the stars sent her straight to me from you. she's a gift to me.

i've got her now rena, and i'm never letting her go.

luckily since my precious babies are triplets, i didn't have to go through labor. i had an emergency c-section and now my stomach aches.

camden has spent the last few months painting the spare bedroom in our tiny house. her and her dad painted the walls yellow and the cribs they bought are blue. they wouldn't let me step foot into the room for ages. not until a week before the babies were due. i was standing there in a pair of your overalls (which are very comfortable by the way) and i just burst into tears. she'd gone through so much time and effort to put the beautiful nursery together... so much, and it just made me feel so loved. there are rainbows and ducks painted all over the walls and camden surprised me by hanging up some of the drawings that you used to draw me.

often times, camden worked into the wee hours of the morning, so i would just go out on to the balcony and think of you, often times just whispering to you in my head. before the babies were born i would talk to them about you. if one of them kicked, i would tell you about it. if one of them hicupped, i would tell you that it made me laugh. those nights were never lonely because i always knew deep inside that i had you, and that i always do.

i just wish you were here in person to share it all with me.

camden and i are going to take seth to baby gymnastics, if he wants to do them of course. we figured it was a good idea though, because he jumps all over all of the furniture all the time. camden calls him our baby monkey.

but shay, oh baby shay. she's so smart already. and baby serena, i don't mind what she does as long as she's happy and healthy.

as long as they're all healthy and happy.

i wish you were here with me, watching my babies giggle and play with each other. i wish you were curled up by my side laughing at how funny shay acts around her siblings.

but i think you are here in a way rena. i think you're lying right next to me laughing and basking in the happiness of our family. i feel like you would have liked camden and how she can give me something you've always wanted to but couldn't.

she's amazing.

i can't wait for my babies to learn all about you.

goodnight rena. i love you.

- baby xoxo