letters to rena

dear girls...

dear girls;

i haven't seen either of you for what seems like forever. longer than i ever thought i could go without seeing at least one of you, let alone both of you.

but, to be honest it feels like we are together right now. it feels like you two are here with you fingers and arms and legs tangled up with each others, and there's me with my journal in one hand, and the red gel pen you bought me in the other.

girls, i bet you never knew that i would write about you two. i used to write the most intricate details of everything and interaction the two of you ever shared. i'm surprised that you never figured out, but i did it. i don't mean to sound creepy, i just loved the beautiful love you two shared, so i figured that i should document it.

but i know that both of you are sharing those interactions right now, whether you are here with me in spirit, or up in the pink clouds in the sky. wherever you are, i know that you're both enjoying each other's company.

the most important thing about the life we all shared though, is our moments. our lives were made up of some really beautiful moments.

perfect.

that's the word that always pops up in my head when i think of our lives and the moments we lived through.

serena, remember when we took that boat out onto the middle of the lake at my grandpa's? i remember you broke one of your oars, and you couldn't stop laughing. you couldn't even spit out one word because your giggling was consuming your whole body.

that was our special moment because it was the first day you really showed me the real you.

and victoria, there was the scream of my first born child on that early march evening. you cradled her with such poise and gentleness, that i knew you would always be there for me. you handed me my little bundle of joy and i had never looked at you with such gratitude until then. you were so much strength for me and grayson that i swear, in that moment i was perfectly sure that my little baby sabrina was going to be okay.

that was our moment because it was the first time i really felt that we had connected on such a strong level.

all of the bad moments though, i wouldn't even think twice about them if it meant that i'd lose a good memory with either of you.

how short or long our moments were, there has not been one that i would ever take back. i thank god for bringing both of you to me. high school was terrible, but it was filled with moments, good and bad both, that took me miles closer to reaching life now.

with you two. where i was always supposed to be.

we were those girls who people feared in high school, but in reality we were so much more -and so much less- than what people perceived us as.

we were the three musketters, the third blind mice. we were the power puff girls on a mission to save the world.

we were best friends, the three of us.

and as the years went on and tori and i had to go through losing one third of our everlasting trio, we came to realize that we all weren't just best friends, we were so much more.

we were a family.

you girls showed me what a real family is. you've both shown me what it was like to have two unconditional sisters.

i'll spend the rest of my old lady life searching for ways to make your light brighter.

rena does such an exceptional job making sure that the cancer foundation receives money every month considering that's why your mom passed tori. she also has connections with NASA now, so every letter she's written to you both since you've passed actually makes it up to you. the rockets make their way up to you in the stars and beyond.

seth still paints, and it surprised me (maybe more than it should have) that nearly every painting he does now is about you two.

shay teaches skateboard classes to kids with cancer. she does it for free, and i'm extremely proud of her.

sabrina's husband works in the film industry, and managed to pitch ideas to the ABC Family Network in England to create a documentary on one of my best friends, that friend being you serena.

(you always did wish to become famous)

the documentary was a huge hit here in town and especially in England. it was such a hit that a director in England picked it up for a movie.

a movie girls.

it was named "love trials" and it won best picture at the film festival a couple of years ago.

sabrina, rena and i attended the premiere and the movie turned out exactly how we pictured it to be.

i'm almost positive that you both were holding my hands as i walked down that red carpet.

now you both would laugh at me for writing this but, i'm tired. but it's the truth. being ninety-two is harder than you might think. i still feel like i'm still seventeen. i don't feel like i'm on my way to sleeping forever. grayson used to tell me that we would go together; much like those sappy romantic movies, but he never made it past eighty-four. he made camden promise though that she would do it instead.

i tell the doctors that if i can still wrtie, i can still breathe.

i wrote an autobiography a while back, and my publishers tell me that it's been doing good in the book market world.

i hope they're telling the truth.

i miss you girls. i've missed you both since the days when you both chose to fall asleep for the last time.

i wrote this to you so that our future generations would always have something good to look back on.

we did good girls. we did the best we could do.

tomorrow marks the day when one of my best friends was born, so i wanted to send this to you for the occasion. i wanted to send you this to remind you of our friendship and to celebrate the birthday of the one girl who made all of us better people.

(serena i'm pointing right at you)

you girls will always be my other halves -the better, more outgoing half- and i'll never forget that. not even when i'm in my hospital bed holding hands with my best friend's wife praying that this will be my last night on earth.

even though i realize that this beautiful place holds everyone i care about most -camden, the children, the grandkids,- i still can't wait to be up there with you two.

i love you two, so so much.

i'll be seeing you both soon. i love you. it'll be great to party in heaven with you two.

goodnight girls.

- love hadley