Pretty in Pink ~ San

Chapter 4

After realizing what he did wrong, I had left his dorm room, and went back to my apartment. San kept apologizing because he feels so bad. He thought, since he fell in love, that it would be fine to sleep with me. I say, I'm waiting until marriage, or until I find someone I truly trust and feel comfortable with. That would be the only circumstance that I would sleep with someone. Until I find that someone, I won't be losing my virginity any time soon. There has to be someone who I trust with my whole heart before I even think about doing it, so yeah.

The next few days on the music video set, the air was a bit awkward around San and I. It got to a point where Hongjoong asked what happened between San and I because we seemed so close. Something must have happened.
"I don't want to talk about it." I said.
"Why, I thought we were all friends?" Hongjoong asked.
"Well, okay fine. San invited me back to the dorms and we almost. . . Slept together." I said.
"What do you mean almost?" Hongjoong asked.
"San really likes me, but he wanted to sleep with me, and I thought that wasn't good. We have to get to know each other and trust each other first before I even think of doing that with him." I explained.
"Oh, I understand. He looks really sad, so that’s why I asked." Hongjoong said.
"Well, he regretted trying to get me to do something I didn't want to do right now." I said.
"Oh, have you guys tried talking about it?" Hongjoong asked.
"I explained to him why I didn't want to do it through text, but not in person." I said.
"Try explaining it to him now." Hongjoong said.
"Okay, I'll be back." I said.

I walk over to where San is standing alone, waiting for the next scene to be filmed. I tap him on the shoulder.
"Oh, hey." San said.
"Can we talk about last night?" I asked.
"Sure." San said.
"Let me explain to you; I do not want to sleep with someone until I fully trust him and we feel comfortable together. The only other circumstance would be if we were already married. Those are the only requirements I have." I said.
"Oh, I understand and I'm sorry again for last night." San said.
"I already told you, you don't need to keep apologizing. It was in the moment, and I just wasn't feeling it. I mean, if you would like to start dating-" I said, but San cuts me off,
"I would like to ask you out. Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Oh, sure. I'll be your girlfriend." I said, smiling.
"Yes." San said, pulling me into a tight hug, patting my back.

With San and I becoming a couple after such a short time of knowing each other, it doesn't even feel real. I have never been friends with K-pop idols before, let alone even date them. Heck, I haven't really dated anyone before. This will be a new experience that I'm sure I'll love. San may be 4 years older than me, but with me being 20 and him being 24, it doesn't feel that weird. While I was 17 and 18, and I would dream about dating K-pop idols who were 4 or 5 years older than me, it felt weird back then. Now, with me being a mature adult, it doesn't feel as weird.

We finished filming the music video today, keeping in character. Nobody really realizes that San just asked me to be his girlfriend just today. He seemed to act normally during the entire shoot. What was a little suspicious was that San and I hung out, eating lunch together. I would normally eat lunch by myself on shoot days. It's because I wasn't really friends with the other actors on the set, and I'm only really friends with ATEEZ. Now, I'm seen eating lunch with San, and we seem closer than ever. Hongjoong, who usually takes the leader position, would like to talk to us. ATEEZ are a fairly newer group, and they are finding their success, but to start dating a fan is. . . It's a little risky. Hongjoong calls for a group meeting.

I am present at the meeting, and this is all after the shoot for the music video is already finished. Hongjoong informs San that we have to be careful now. Dating a fan as a K-pop fan is really, really risky to their image. Most times, the Korean fans will dislike whenever an idol is rumored to date a fan because it's seen as discrimination. I don't know why, but it just is. Hongjoong told us that we have to keep our relationship on the downlow, so we avoid any hate from fans. I am just an actress, trying to make it in Korea, and San is just trying to help me. In the meantime, we fell in love. What’s wrong with that? Hongjoong explained exactly why that's wrong. It would risk San's career and if I get caught out in public with him, there will be terrible backlash. Hongjoong advises us to break up and just be friends because dating would cause terrible things to happen. Reality hits, and I realize that Hongjoong is right. To date San would cause too many problems and make him have scandals, which he has little of at this time. San has no dating scandals, and I would hate to be the one to start them. I tell San that it is just better for us to stay friends. We risk too much if we date. Understanding of this, San lets me go. It is just better for us anyway.