Sunny Side Up - JJ Maybank

19

JJ and I hadn't spoken about the night I'd chickened out of sex, but he'd been more cautious every time he kissed or touched me. I felt guilty that I couldn't even have sex with my own boyfriend but I was too embarrassed to talk about my insecurities with anyone.

The next time Flora was at Rafe's, JJ took my hands in his and said we needed to have a talk. I thought he was gonna break up with me and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking when I tried to look at him.

"Baby, I love you so much and I would never pressure you into doing anything you didn't want to, but I think we need to talk about what it is that's stopping you from feeling comfortable around me."

Although I was relieved he was being nice and didn't wanna break up with me, I knew he was right and I knew that I would have to have this conversation at some point, but I was still terrified to open up to him. I trusted him with my life though, so I took a deep breath and braced myself.

"I'm just so insecure about my body, JJ. It doesn't look like all the other girls you've been with. I have stretch-marks and cellulite and scars."

"Sunny you have nothing to worry about sweetheart. That doesn't make you any less beautiful. It shows me how strong you are for having a child. Of course your body isn't gonna look the same as before, but that doesn't mean you're any less attractive."

I needed to hear those words. I know it was selfish to hate my body after having my daughter, but I was always so insecure. JJ made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world though.

"I don't think I've ever loved someone before. Not properly. Not until you," I confessed honestly.

"Me neither, pretty girl. You mean the world to me and I want you to be comfortable around me."

I didn't feel guilty anymore when I made out with him, and I felt less insecure about my body knowing how much JJ cared about me as a person.

When Flora came home from Rafe's, who looked like he hadn't slept all weekend, the first thing she wanted to do was built a fort.

"I don't know what's up with her, I've tried everything but she's just a ball of energy," he sighed, almost toppling over when she tackled him in a hug.

"Bye Uncle Rafey!"

"Thanks, Rafe, I'll try and tire her out. You look like you need some rest," I chuckled, taking in the rest of Flora's belongings.

"Why don't you be on blanket duty, Flo, and leave Mommy and I to move the chairs?" JJ told the excitable little girl as she almost crushed herself trying to lift one the dining table chairs.

I'd agreed to let Flora wrap me like a burrito in all the sheets and it was cracking her up.

"God you're so fucking cute," JJ breathed without thinking.

"Language!" I scolded with a laugh, but shuffled closer so I could peck his lips.

Thankfully our plan worked and soon she was fast asleep. JJ carried the sleeping child to her bed, pressing a loving kiss on her forehead before joining me in the living room.

"Shall we continue?" he asked excitedly, moving more sheets to the tops of the chairs to carry on with the fort.

Eventually we got tired too, I tried to make it to the bedroom but JJ's warm arms were too inviting and we found ourselves waking up on blankets in the living room under the half-built fort. I wouldn't trade this life for the world.