Hiding in the Shadows

4. Derek's past

Derek looked distastefully at his answer machine before picking it and throwing it against the wall, making a mental note to change his phone number and to get a new answering machine. More messages from his perfect sisters and his widowed mother.

Mel..."We haven't heard from you. Don't make me kick your ass. Call us back."

Kathleen..."Derek? This is not healthy. You need to come back home and face your feelings. Call me."

Nancy..."Derek, quit ignoring me and call someone back. Have you even tried to call Addison?"

Julie..."DerBear? I am really worried about you. If you need me just call. Love you."

Carolyn Shepherd..."Derek Christopher Shepherd, I will not be ignored. I will come out there if you don't call me. Derek? I just want to know if you are okay...I know you are having a hard time and you need family to help you get through this. I haven't seen you in a year. Are you eating well, maybe dating someone? I hope so, you don't need to close yourself off from everyone. I will call you later. I love you."

Derek poured himself a Scotch and sat down on the couch in his trailer. He took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. That run in tonight with the Intern Grey had pissed him off. He wasn't used to being challenged and it had happened twice in one day, first with Dr. Nazi and then with her. He had to admit, she intrigued him. Her emerald eyes had flashed at him beneath her wire rim glasses and her chest had been heaving with anger, showing him that she did actually have breasts...very nice breasts. Derek shook himself out of that particular train of thought...he was just horny. That had to be it, because fantasizing about the very mousy and meek intern was just hilarious. It truly was. He didn't even want to think about a woman at all. His ex-wife had destroyed any faith he had in relationships or women in general. Coming home that night...their eleventh anniversary no less...to see her and his best friend, Mark...entangled together in his bed, was just about the worst thing he had ever experienced. He had thought they were happy. Sure, they had hit a rough spot, but what married couple didn't. He had thought that since Addison was pregnant that they would work things out and move on as a family. He laughed bitterly to himself. He knew the instant he found them together that the baby she was carrying wasn't his, it was Mark's. Mark was a manwhore...really great daddy material. He really hoped they were happy and that they rotted in hell.

He got up and walked out to his deck and studied his surroundings. It was quiet out here, no one to nag him and make him talk, just grass and trees and his trailer and his lake so he could fish when he got the urge. He didn't need or want anyone, besides he had managed to alienate everyone in Seattle anyway. He didn't used to be this way...angry and sullen and insulting, but he now wore it like a second skin. So he would choose to ignore the tiny pang he felt where his heart used to be regarding Dr. Grey. It was better for everyone involved.

*****************************

"Did I really do that?" Meredith asked Cristina the next morning when she entered the kitchen looking for aspirin.

Cristina looked up from the medical journal she was reading and laughed loudly. Meredith winced.

"Oh yeah, you did. Trust me, I had front row seats. Very entertaining, didn't know you had it in you." Cristina grinned.

"I did know, which is why I don't drink tequila anymore. I can't believe I insulted my boss." Meredith groaned, burying her head in her arms.

"Please, fight the power...it is about time you let loose." Cristina remarked, pushing her plate of cold pizza towards Meredith. Meredith made a face and shook her head.

"Yeah, I let loose alright. I verbally vomited all over the most hated attending in the history of Seattle Grace. He makes my mommy look like an angel some days. I made an enemy of the person who is supposed to teach me for the next seven freaking years." Meredith exclaimed, panic taking over now that she was more lucid and awake.

"Quit freaking, you weren't on duty and neither was he. Besides he engaged too so no one can do anything about it." Cristina said, shrugging.

"He will have me on slave duty for the next six months if he wants too. He is going to torture me!" Meredith said.

"Sucks to be you. Your timing is impeccable to finally grow some balls. I just wanted you to speak up during rounds not piss off an attending, but that works to."

Meredith banged her head repeatedly against the table. Cristina put a dish towel underneath it to keep her from doing permanent damage to her head and continued eating her pizza. The door opened.

"Mer?" Izzie called out.

"Kitchen." Was Meredith's muffled reply, her face buried in the towel. Izzie's heels clacked on the hardwood floors as she entered the kitchen.

"Mer! Why aren't you ready? We need to get going if we are going to get everything done. You have a hair appointment in an hour, then a mani pedi and then waxing..."

"Waxing? What are we waxing?" Meredith asked alarmed.

Izzie rolled her eyes and looked her up and down.

"Everything." She said.

Meredith turned a little green. Cristina laughed at the look on her face.

"Mer...go get dressed in your frumpy clothes so that I can burn them when we are done." Meredith got up and walked towards the stairs. 'Oh and get your credit card." Meredith acknowledged her with a wave of her hand.

Twenty minutes later, Izzie shoved Meredith out her front door and they were on their way.

"Why am I doing this again?" Meredith asked aloud.

"Do you want the real reason or a fake one?" Izzie asked.

"Whats the difference?" Meredith demanded.

"Well, the fake reason is so you can feel better about yourself, get noticed, be taken seriously...yadayadayada..." Izzie informed her.

"And you think the real reason is?" Meredith prompted.

"To drive Derek Shepherd crazy..."