Hiding in the Shadows

81. Forever is Scary

Meredith unlocked the door and entered her house quietly. She had gotten pulled into a severed arm surgery from a car accident and was just getting home at one o'clock in the morning. She placed her keys on the new foyer table and unconsciously looked at floor where her blood had been spilt. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She really needed to make an appointment with Dr. Wyatt.

"You ready to deal with it yet?'

Meredith looked up with a start and for the first time noticed Derek standing in the kitchen doorway, wearing his dark blue cotton pajama pants, white T shirt, no shoes and an understanding though concerned smile.

She smiled back uncertainly.

"No." She bit her lip and forced her tears back. "But I don't really think I have a choice." She finished, whispering.

He walked slowly towards her. He brushed a fallen tear from her cheek.

"Why are you putting this off?" He asked.

"Derek I am really tired and I want to go to bed. We will talk about this later." Meredith said, brushing past him to head towards the laundry room to get her pajamas.

"It is always later with you. Stop avoiding Meredith." Derek said.

"I am not avoiding, I do not avoid." Meredith denied.

"Really? So the past seven weeks of you not talking about or dealing with the Matt situation is what? Acceptance?" He asked.

"Well, it is not avoidance." She said. "It...I am just...refraining from talking about it."

"That is the definition of avoiding." He informed her. "Seriously, look it up, google it...you are avoiding and it stops now."

Meredith looked at him hatefully.

"Stop fucking pushing me! I am a grown woman, I can take care of myself...if you don't like how I am dealing with this, then leave." She demanded, pointing at the front door. "Go on! Leave!" She screamed.

He looked at her a second longer and then nodded, walking out of the kitchen and leaving her alone.

Meredith went into the laundry room and grabbed her clothes out of the dryer. She heard the front door close. Her head snapped up and she dropped the clothes, gasping with panic. He wouldn't leave, would he? Oh God, she had told him to. Meredith blindly ran through the kitchen, down the foyer and wrenched open the door. She ran out on her front porch and looked for his car. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it in her driveway.

"You have me blocked in."

She looked behind her to where he was sitting forlornly on her swing, not swaying just sitting there with a dead look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, tears streaking down her face. She made no move to hide them.

He sighed and patted the spot next to him. She walked slowly over and sat down, keeping her distance. They sat in silence, neither one knowing where to start.

"I am avoiding." Meredith admitted.

Derek nodded. He stayed silent.

"I'm afraid Derek." She sobbed.

He drug her to him and held her closely, the swing swaying back and forth.

"Of what?" He asked softly.

"Of Matt."

"He can't get near you. He is in jail."

"Of my mom leaving and things going to shit with her again." She told him.