Hiding in the Shadows

42. One Last Night

Dinner on their last night was a noisy affair. Everyone was laughing, joking, talking loud...except Derek. Oh, he would join in but Meredith could see it was half hearted and forced at best.

"Is everything okay?" She asked quietly, leaning into him.

"What? Oh yeah. Just don't really want to go back to Seattle." He said. Seattle meant the acting stopped and reality reared its ugly head.

"Oh. Well, don't make it so long in between visits next time." She suggested, smiling at him.

"That would probably help." He agreed, drinking the sight of her in.

"Unless of course, you are thinking of moving back here." She said, looking down at her folded hands that rested in her lap.

His heart squeezed at the thought of not seeing her every day, no matter what their relationship was. She had somehow become a constant in his Seattle life.

"No. I like my job in Seattle."

I like you in Seattle.

She smiled fully at him.

"Okay then. Just make the most of tonight and tomorrow morning." She said, turning to Julie to continue their conversation.

He planned on it, with her, in bed. He didn't know how much longer he had with her at this point.

*********************************

"Derek! Stop!" She said laughingly as he nibbled on her neck as they stumbled to the guest house.

"No." He said, biting with a little more force.

"Hmmm..." She moaned. He pressed her against the door and slammed his mouth to hers. She retaliated in kind, neither one stopping to breathe. Times like this made him think everything was normal and fine, but the truth was...it wasn't. They would return to Seattle and their normal lives tomorrow.

In Seattle, he was an asshole hated by just about everyone. She was a sweetheart, albeit feisty, that was adored by everyone. She was kind and he was inhumane at times, she was thoughtful, he was inconsiderate, she was stubborn and he was...too.

Could he drag her down into his hailstorm of self loathing? Could he watch as the twinkle in her green eyes fade out as she found herself disillusioned with him? Could he watch her walk away from him when she realized that he could never give her what she wanted, what she needed from him?

No.

"Derek?" She asked breathlessly. "Where did you go?"

"I'm sorry. I am just..." He bit off, suddenly frustrated. He was so fucking confused. He could drag this out in his mind but the second he looked at her, so trusting and happy, it flew out the window. He could put this conversation off for one more night. Just one more night with her...pretending with her that he could be happy and normal.

Just one more night

Did that make him feel like he was using her?

Yes

But that was who he was now. A man who took what he could get before it moved on to better and bigger things. Was that wrong?

Yes

Did it make him feel like scum?

Yes

Did he care? At this moment looking at her, imagining her laying open for him, inviting her to take what he pleased of her, all of her...body and soul. His last chance to feel whole.

No.

He picked her up, reveling in her laughing squeal and rushed into the bedroom. He laid her down gently and gazed at her for a moment. She was wearing a sweater and jeans but to him, she was the most beautiful person in the world. She always had been, he realized now.

She pressed her body against his arousal, moaning for him to hurry up.

"No. Not tonight. I want...let's take it slow." He asked.

"I can do slow, I can do incredibly slow." She purred.

He smiled at her and leaned in, nipping at her full bottom lip, allowing his tongue to soothe the slight pain. Her mouth opened and he took that opportunity to thrust his tongue in her warm cavern, allowing her tongue to wrestle for control. He sucked her tongue into his mouth and then let it go. He sat her up and removed her sweater, then her bra, throwing them carelessly on the floor. He laid her back down, drinking in her full breasts with her hardened nipples from the cool air. He suckled each breasts, making sure to pay equal attention to each. He continued on to her flat soft abdomen, paying close attention to an older appendectomy scar. He unbuttoned her pants and spread the material apart at the zipper to reveal her sexy lavender panties. He moistened the skin right above them. He lifted her hips up to slide both offensive garments off her long silken legs. Satisfied, he looked at her again. She was a vision, her body perfect in its slight imperfections...if that made any sense at all.

"You are overdressed Dr. Shepherd." She commented seductively.

"I can remedy that Dr. Grey." He said.

He rose up and shucked his clothes off, not caring what happened to them or how they were treated. He made his way back to her. He kissed her deeply and thoroughly, his hands roaming everywhere. He entered one finger into her, then two and finally three causing her moan loud. He continued working her up into a mewling frenzy, playing her like a violin. He felt her start to clench around his fingers. He removed them quickly. She made a sound of protest, but before she could actually form words he had already thrust his swollen cock deep inside her. She screamed as it set her orgasm off instantly. He felt her clenching, strangling his cock but he ignored it and plowed on. He pumped into her slowly, drawing out her orgasm, leaving her on her high. He kept on, fighting back his own release, wanting this to last forever. He felt her clench again, tighter this time, heard her scream, felt her claw his back, drawing blood. His orgasm slammed into him, leaving him reeling. She screamed again as hers hit her a third time. She collapsed from sheer exhaustion. He rolled off of her and lay panting, gasping beside her.

"I like slow." She said.

"Me too." He said.

They lie there quietly, neither wanting to ruin the moment with words. Her breathing evened out and he knew she was slipping into slumber.

"Derek." She said, her words slurring with sleep.

"Hmmm." He said.

"I love you." She said and then she was out.

His mind reeled with every thought imaginable from she didn't know what she said, to he misunderstood, to she was lying...

For just a minute he had thought that they could make this work. But this changed everything. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let her settle for the person he was now. He couldn't ruin her, he wouldn't.

She loved him.

Unfortunately, that didn't change a thing.

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This is not fluffy. This is nowhere close to fluffy. Fluffy is gone for the time being. It will get much worse before it gets better... Have faith