Hiding in the Shadows

34. I have my own voice

Derek paced the room waiting for Meredith to get out of the bathroom. He was ashamed, needed to shower and he really needed to pee. Pride kept him from going to the main house. Carolyn would smell discord a mile away. He should have defended her but Nancy had mention Addison and it was all he could do to keep from screaming. He crossed the room to bang on the door when he heard it...

Gut wrenching sobs from the other side of the door.

Derek hung his head. He had made her cry...again. He tapped on the door.

"Meredith..." He asked hesitantly.

"I said go ahead without me, I will be there in a few minutes." She said, her voice thick with emotion.

"Let me in." He ordered gently.

Silence.

"Please...." He pleaded.

Silence.

So they were back to the quiet game. Great.

Derek sighed.

"I...I'm sorry Mer. I am working through a lot of things at the moment, which you know some of...but being back here just threw me for a loop. I will have a talk with Nancy and make it clear she is not to speak to you like that. I didn't mean to make you think I was ashamed of you, because I am not. I know you are doing me a huge favor by being here and I don't think I have let you know how much I appreciate it. But I do...really. I know...I know I am not the most pleasant person..." Meredith snorted. "...and I know you have had to deal with your friends and Bailey and taken a lot of flack for doing this and I...just...thank you and I'm...I'm sorry."

He heard a rustling and then the click of the lock. The door opened and Meredith was revealed. Her eyes were lined in red and puffy. Her nose was also red and her hair was tangled as if she had yanked it with her hands in frustration. She avoided his eyes.

He sighed and tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"Thank you."

She nodded.

"Why don't you get dressed in the bedroom and then we will head back up for dinner?" He suggested.

She nodded again.

"Are you ever going to speak to me again?" He asked.

Meredith shrugged.

"You are an infuriating hag." He said playfully.

Meredith giggled.

"Ah...there it is." He smiled.

She smiled back although it came off as more of a grimace than a smile. He brushed her hair out of her eyes without thinking. She stilled where his hand met her face. She leaned forward unconsciously. She suddenly remembered herself and practically leapt away from him.

"I am just going to go get dressed and you do whatever it is you do to get ready...um...yeah...just give me a few minutes. I won't be too long...you will probably be longer. I mean I am sure one of those bags contains your whole hair product line..." She rambled nervously.

He looked at her oddly and shifted uncomfortably.

"Right." He agreed, drawing out the word.

"Yeah...so see you in a few." She said as she practically rushed into the bedroom and slammed the door.

She groaned. Talk about verbal diarrhea.

Derek stared at the bedroom door for a few moments before gathering his clothes and heading to the bathroom. A cold shower was definitely needed. Imagining her getting undressed and what kind of lingerie she was wearing and what her body looked like without said lingerie had given him a BIG problem.

He just learned an interesting fact about himself.

Rambling apparently turned him on.

*********************************

Dinner was being put on the table as they reentered the house. Meredith sniffed appreciately. Home cooked meals were a rarity for her.

"Can I help with anything?" She asked softly.

Carolyn smiled at her warmly.

"You can help set the children's table." She said.

"Okay...I can do that. Just don't ever ask me to cook."

"You can't cook?" Julie asked, joining the conversation.

"No, but I can burn with the best of them." Meredith said.

"Oh thank god! The rest of these bitches are gourmet cooks. It is so nice to be among normal people for once." She turned to Derek. "Keep this one." She ordered.

"I plan on it." He said.

Meredith looked at him in surprise. He winked at her. Meredith felt a flash of disappointment. If only they weren't acting.

"Just show me where everything is." Meredith said, forcing brightness into her tone.

Julie laughed.

"Come on...I'll help you. They don't let me near the kitchen."

They made quick work of it and in the meanwhile Meredith was entertained with funny stories about Derek growing up with four sisters. Julie was warm and funny and when Mel joined her, Meredith realized that Mel was a lot like Cristina. Sarcastic and quickwitted.

They settled down to dinner at the massive dining room table. Meredith sat between Derek and Julie and right across from Michael and Kyle, the two older grandchildren. They kept looking at her like she was the new Playboy centerfold and although it was flattering, she kind of wished Derek would look at her like that.

"Meredith?"

"Huh?" She said forcing her thoughts out of her mind.

"You were lost in space." Derek said.

"Figures." They heard Nancy mutter.

Derek opened his mouth to say something but Meredith squeezed his leg. He looked at her questionly. She just shook her head subtly.

"So Mer, may I call you Mer?" Mel asked. Meredith nodded her head. "What do you do? Ma wouldn't tell us anything."

"I am a doctor." She replied.

"What kind?"

"I am a surgical resident."

"What year?"

"I am an intern."

Nancy looked at Derek.

"An intern? You are dating your insubordinate? Talk about going downhill..."

Meredith threw her napkin down on the table and stood up.

"What is your problem?" She hissed. Derek put a restraining hand on her, which she shook off.

"He is dating someone apparently much younger than he is, he is on the rebound...you are his mid life crisis. I don't know what he sees in you quite frankly." Nancy said.

"First of all, I am only eight years younger than he is, Secondly, I am smart, I am good at my job, I am caring, responsible and most importantly I am not his ex wife. That is what he sees in me. Not that it is any of your business." Meredith stated firmly. "So I suggest you keep your catty comments to yourself or save them for someone you can intimidate, cause that sure as hell's not me."

She took a deep breath and sat back down at the stunned table.

"This sure is delicious Carolyn." She said politely and continued eating her dinner.

Derek squeezed her leg causing her to look at him.

He leaned over closer to her.

"I thought you wanted me to defend you?"

"That was before I remembered I had a voice of my own." She winked at him.

He leaned back in his seat and smiled to himself. This woman never ceased to amaze him.

If only they weren't acting.