Hiding in the Shadows

54. Triple Lecture

"Sorry you had to come in last night." Marissa said.

Meredith peered at Marissa's chart and smiled at her.

"Don't worry about it. My date understood."

"He was hot, not as hot as the sex god, but hot."

"He is nicer than the sex...Dr. Shepherd. But he is just a friend."

"I wanna friend like that."

Meredith laughed.

"Everything is looking good. It isn't uncommon for an infection to occur after surgery. The antibiotics seem to be working, so I will continue them until tomorrow morning and I will reaccess then."

"Thanks Dr. Grey. I really do feel better today. My head hurts but I guess after brain surgery that is to be expected huh?" She said.

"Yep." Meredith said, grinning.

"How are we doing today Marissa?" Derek said, coming into the room.

Meredith's grin left her face and a scowl replaced it.

"Um...judging by the look on Dr. Grey's face...I am going to say, better than you are going to be doing in just a minute." Marissa said, smiling.

Derek looked at Meredith, but all he could see was the back of her. Then she turned around, smiling stiffly, her eyes dark and flashing.

Two things crossed his mind simultaneously...

One...she was pissed.

Two...she looked hot pissed.

"Is there something you would like to say to me Dr. Grey?" He asked, smirking.

Her eyes flashed like lightning.

"Not in front of the patient Dr. Shepherd. I do have a few choice words for you though, if you will be so kind as to follow me out." She said, between gritted teeth.

"Oh come on! I wanna watch you reem out the sex god." Marissa complained.

"Not this time Marissa. I will be back later to check on you."

She strode out of the room with one last piercing glare at Derek.

He looked at Marissa and mouthed. 'Help me'.

She giggled.

"Nope you are on your own for this one, good luck though." She told him.

"Thanks." He said.

He walked out of the room, where Meredith took his arm and dragged him, not altogether unwillingly, to the nearest supply closet. She roughly pushed him in and shut the door behind him.

"If you wanted to get me alone all you had to do was ask." He joked.

Wrong thing to do.

"Seriously, you're joking? You are making light of my obviously pathetic feelings for you? Really?" She said, as her eyes glistened with tears.

"Mer...I..." He began, feeling like an asshole.

"No! You don't get it, do you? I have never said that to anyone before...ever. And if you don't feel the same...fine. I can live with that. But when you break up a date I am on with someone who does like me and who enjoys my company...that pisses me off....it hurts me...it messes with my head. I am not going to put my life on hold for someone who may never love me. If you don't want me, then you need to let me go, because this back and forth you are doing with me...this one minute I am going to be an ass, the next I am going to be nice...it isn't right. I am a nice person. I don't bother anyone. I do my job and I go home and I spend time with my friends, but, Derek, I want more. I want to fall in love with someone who feels the same way about me. I want to get married and argue over mindless things like taking out the trash or leaving the tiolet seat up. I want to make love all night long and have to work the next morning on no sleep. I want to have babies, at least two that I can raise and have them know what it is like to have two loving parents. I want to grow old with someone and sit with him on the rocking chairs on our front porch of the house we have lived in for forty years. I want that and I wanted that with you, but you are too damaged or stubborn or I don't know what...to have that with anyone because some bitch betrayed you. Well, guess what? You are not the only one in this world who has been hurt. So it is time to get the fuck over it. Grow up Derek! Stop drinking and wallowing in your self pity. I would like to say I will be here when you do, but I won't be. I am done. From now on, I will be working with Weller or Crichek. Goodbye Derek."

She turned around and walked out leaving him in darkness. Fitting, he thought. He slid down the wall and put his head between his legs, trying to not hyperventilate.

***

"I am your intern today asshole. Where do you want me?"

Derek looked at Alex Karev and glared. This guy was a thorn in his side. Going out with Meredith, was he kidding? He was Derek's polar opposite. Maybe that's why she went out with him.

"It is Dr. Shepherd or sir. I won't answer to anything else." Derek said sternly.

"Then it should be really quiet today." Alex said smartly.

"Look, your girlfriend..." He ignored the pain in his chest. "...can fight her own battles. Try to be professional Jock Itch." He growled.

"Oh and that is professional?" Alex whipped back at him.

"You started it." Derek said.

"No I didn't. You did." Alex said.

"The daycare is on the first floor. This is the third floor. So either grow up or go downstairs." Bailey interjected.

"He called me an asshole." Derek told Bailey.

"I am sure it was justified." Bailey told him. "Now you two get to work and don't let me catch you arguing like two year olds again. Do I make myself clear?" She said, her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

"Yes Ma'am." They both said begrudgingly.

"Good. Now get out of my face!" She yelled, walking off muttering about 'stupid boys with stupid penises getting into a pissing match over a girl'.

Derek stalked off and Alex followed him. The day was busy and they operated on three cases together. At the end of the day, they were scrubbing out.

"She is kind of great you know? And you are stupid for hurting her." Alex said quietly.

"Don't talk to me about her. You win okay?" Derek said tersely.

"I win what? And all expenses paid trip to Friendshipland? Dude, she isn't looking for anyone but you. Wise up."

"She is done with me and I can accept that. I don't deserve her." Derek said sadly.

"What you are too good for her?" Alex demanded.

"No, she is too good for me." Derek said laughing bitterly.

"You've got that right." Alex agreed. "The thing is, she saw something in you and Meredith...she is wonderful and if she loves you then you are obviously redeemable. Either that or she is a horrible judge of character and then I really am an asshole." He joked.

"She wants more than I think I can give her."

"You think? Dude, you gotta know. So find out asswad or next time I am not going to be coming at you with words."

Alex finished up and left without another word.

Derek sighed. He had gotten lectured by three people today and he was on overload. He just wanted his trailer and a fishing pole. And scotch, maybe a cigar. He had some thinking to do.

Beep Beep Beep

The Chief.

Derek sighed.

Or maybe not.