Hiding in the Shadows

89. Her Idiot

Derek stared at her in silence, his knuckles gripping the table so hard, they were white. His face was ashen, his breathing taut.

Okay, not the reaction she was hoping for.

"Derek?" She asked gently, reaching for his hand. He flinched at her touch. She quickly pulled her hand back.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed before grabbing her purse and fleeing.

***

"I'm pregnant Derek. Isn't that what you wanted? Me, barefoot and pregnant?"

"Addison, this is great news. You will be a wonderful mom. Everything will be perfect, you'll see."

"What? What are you doing? How could you sleep with him? How long has this been going on Addison? Is this baby even mine?"

"No, it's not."

Derek snapped out of his trance. This wasn't the same situation. Meredith wasn't Addison. He looked over to her seat and realized it was empty. He looked around wildly.

"She ran out of here sir." Their waiter told him quietly.

Derek cursed and ran out of the restaurant. Great, the happiest night of his life just went to shit and why? Because he allowed himself to be sucked into the previous darkness of his life. His life before her.

He spotted a lone hunched over figure walking away from him a block down. He ran after her.

"Meredith!"

Silence.

"Meredith please!"

She whirled on him. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying but blazing with anger.

"How dare you? I was so worried about your reaction yet I was confident you would be happy anyway, because you want to be a father...because it was taken from you so cruelly before. And yet you let yourself compare me to that...that...whore. I thought we were beyond that. I thought we had dealt with that. I don't need you to raise this child Derek. I am more than capable of doing it all by myself." She walked away from him.

Derek fell to his knees. He was in agony.

"Please...don't leave." He begged.

"Give me one reason I should stay?' She asked softly, her back to him, several feet away. Her feet seemed incapable of moving away from him any further.

"I love you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"And this baby?"

"I love you both. More than anything."

"Then why?"

"I'm sorry."

"So you said. Unfortunately that's not enough. I have let you hurt me over and over again Derek and I always forgive you, but this is not about you or me, this is about our baby who didn't ask to be created. I know Addison hurt you, but I am not her. Are you afraid this isn't your child or that I am sleeping with Mark or God forbid, both?" She asked.

"No! No. I just got...lost....for a moment. It...just...opened up old wounds and I had a moment of self doubt when I realized the magnitude of the situation. I shook myself out of it and you were gone. You ran instead of letting me process what you told me. I am only human Meredith." He told her.

"Only because you wouldn't even let me touch you." Meredith spat back. "Obviously you don't trust me." She accused.

"Oh and you trust me? You thought I was going to dump you tonight. So who doesn't trust who here Meredith?"

Her face fell.

"I trust you, I just got scared." Her voice was defeated.

"Why are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop?" He asked.

"Why are you?" She shot back.

"I don't know.'

They were silent for a moment.

"So now what?" Derek asked her.

"I don't know. We're having a baby." She walked up to him and placed his hand on her abdomen.

Derek looked at their joined hands resting over the place where their child rested, who was now no bigger than a peanut. He then looked back up at her, his eyes shining with tears.

"We're having a baby." He breathed. "I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I did an hour ago, but I was dead wrong."

Meredith smiled softly.

"You can't do this. You can't freak out on me like this. I need you to be strong for us, because there are going to be times when I can't be and I need you to be here ready to jump in and talk me down from the ledge. And I promise I will do the same for you." She vowed.

"I guess...I guess I need to talk to Dr. Wyatt some more huh?" He asked.

"Yes. I think that would be a good idea." Meredith agreed. " I understand Derek, really I do but one or two appointments won't cure you."

"I know." He pulled her into a tight hug. He breathed her in and kissed her temple. "I am really so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Hmmm...you might be sleeping with Mark for a few nights but the way I see it, you have fifty years to make it up to me."

"You're still going to marry me?" He asked.

She sighed.

"Yes, on one condition."

"Anything." He promised.

"I wouldn't say that if I were you." She smirked.

He bowed to her.

"What can I do for you Madame?" He said in a pitiful French accent.

"First of all, never talk like that again...secondly, get your ass in there and get my food. I'm starving!" She demanded.

"Coming right up. I really am..."

"Derek! Hungry pregnant woman here. Get your ass in gear." She exclaimed.

"Going!" He disappeared quickly into the restaurant.

Meredith sat down on a nearby bench. God, he was an idiot.

But he was her idiot.