What if Sirius Black didn't die?

Chapter 22: Padfoot's memories

THE SCIENTIST- Coldplay

SIRIUS POV:

The Christmas holidays were approaching, and I couldn't wait to see Harry and everyone again. One month. Just one more month. All of the children were coming back on the 22nd of December, and it was now the 22nd of November. I wished time could speed up so I could finally see my godson again. Molly insisted on having me and Harry over the holidays since I let everyone here for the summer and such. I didn't accept it at first, as it wasn't necessary, and it didn't matter, but Molly didn't give up, so I decided to let it go.

I decided to write to Harry as we haven't been writing as much, probably because his classes have gotten harder. He remembered that it was my birthday on the third and sent me a few honeydukes goods around that day along with a note, but after that, we both zoned out. After the holidays, he would also have to start apparition classes and so forth. He's getting so old and mature. Eww. I laughed at my thoughts and went to find some parchment, a quill, and most importantly, an owl. Once I did, I just thought about what I would like to say to Harry, and just narrowed it down so that it wouldn't be suspicious to anyone else.

"Harry,

I hope your doing well and have been staying out of trouble. I know classes are tougher in the sixth year, so listening to Hermione really wouldn't be a bad idea. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you'll be going home with Ronald and that we'll see each other soon. Unfortunately, I cannot reveal any more details, but you'll soon find out. Make sure to ace potions often if you want to get close to ol' sluggy. He loves that! He also loved your mother when he taught her, so you'll have great chances. I hope to speak with you in person next month, and I hope you'll get through the potion master's party awake and not asleep. I'm honestly pretty bored here, but I can't wait to see you all again. Stay close to your friends, and be careful.

Padfoot."

I folded the letter and wrapped it to my owl's leg. It flew off and out of the window, and was soon out of sight. I threw myself on the couch and started to think like I've been doing every day here. All alone in a huge haunted black house. Remus, Molly, and Arthur would visit most of the time, but the time when I was left alone, I had nothing to do but to think. At first, I would think about Harry, and Hogwarts, and all of the fun memories I had, but it seemed that every single fun memory I had was with someone that wasn't here anymore.

My memories would involuntarily trail to James and Lily. The fun nights in school along with pranks and talks. James was my brother, and Lily understood me. James helped me out of it, and Lily helped him. Well, in the sixth or seventh year, when she finally stopped insulting him. I would trail off into memories I forgot I even had, like the first time Lily called James by his first name. He was practically jumping up and down the entire night. Soon came the talks he had with Lily. Over time I saw him mature and not freak out as much over her, even though I knew him inside.

Marlene, my darling. She was also my best friend. She was too close to me to leave me. We were all too young, and she left this earth before I could even begin to develop the potential feelings I had for her. They were all too young to die, and Remus and I were both too young to deal with their deaths. I remember how James promised on his life that as long as he lives, Remus would never spend a full moon alone if he could do anything about it. As long as he lives. It was hard to not be able to see them both, especially since they were in hiding with my newborn godson.

I remember the long horrid nights I spent locked up in Azkaban after Peter betrayed the Potters. For the first two or three days, I tried to keep sane, but I knew that anyone who knew I was guilty was dead, or wouldn't be believed. I always tried to keep track of the days, and after those first two to three days, I knew which day it was. November 3rd. Also known as Sirius Black's birthday.

When I first woke up that day, for a second, I forgot about everything. I expected James to be the first sight I would see, along with Remus, Peter, and a beautiful delicious cake! After James and Lily had gotten together, I expected her to be there too, and Marlene and Dorcas to greet me later in the day. But I had to remind myself that James wouldn't be the first sight I would see along with the rest of my wonderful friends.

James was gone. Remus would be alone again on the full moon. Peter was the traitor all along. James had died for Lily and Lily had died for Harry. Dorcas was to be dead by now, as she probably figured me out and knew I wasn't the traitor, but Peter knew her also, and she was killed. Marlene was gone, along with her entire family. Murdered and slaughtered for the amusement of some. My Marly shouldn't have gone out like that.

I always imagined that if any of us would die, we would die together, or at least in the same fight. I never imagined that any of us would be the traitor, but ultimately, one of us was, and what was done was done. At least she couldn't live longer only to die with me furiously in love with her. I had something for her, but I couldn't spend enough time with her for it to hit me like a train. I felt it somewhere deep inside of me, and it wouldn't be uncovered without her presence, so it was over.

This didn't do me any well, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Suddenly I remembered where I was. The black family. Regulus. He was gone too, and even though I had already mourned him, I couldn't help but picture the pain in his eyes every time mum beat me, or every time he forced himself to ignore me as to not suffer my fate. I knew there was good in him, and I just couldn't help but miss it. He didn't have mine and James's arrogance. He was cunning and smart, hence the house placement, but I was different.

I was loyal and brave.

I was a Gryffindor.

I was a Marauder.

I was James and Lily's best friend and brother.

I was Harry's godfather.

I was many things, but most importantly, I was left behind.

Death took most of my friends, and I was left in the world to deal with the very people who killed them. Before crying myself to sleep that night because of the memories, I made a promise to myself, that I would avenge Lily and James Potter,

even if it was the last thing I would do.