but the wait will be worth it

chapter nine

"Stop, no, stop Louis!"

I quickly pulled away from the kiss and harshly pushed Louis away from me.

He looked hurt, like he was about to cry. If only I could hold him. If only I could hold him and rub his back and tell him that everything would be okay.

But I couldn't. I couldn't have Louis. He's wasn't mine to hold anymore.

He wiped his lips and started out the door. Before he could stop me, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into the room.

He swiftly turned to face me. He was wearing a black jacket, with the hood pulled over his head. As he looked up at me with saddened eyes, I could see tear streaks on his face, as it was puffy. Liam was right. He did look like he hadn't slept in weeks, even though it's only been a day.

"Louis..." I trembled, "please. Tell me why you came here."

He abruptly slipped his hand away from mine, before softly speaking under his breath.

"I just wanted to, I don't know, check up on you..."

I rubbed my hand across my chin, subtly wiping away tears that had begun to fall from my eyes. While taking a deep, shaky breath, I placed my hands around his soft, warm face. I took a deep look at him, running my eyes over every beautiful feature that I had grown to memorize. His tired face began to crumple with sadness almost instantly.

With hope, he looked up at me, his baby blue eyes damp and so tired looking. Louis quickly avoided eye contact.

"Hey, look at me," I kindly urged, as his eyes once again met mine.

"Louis," I started, my voice trembling while trying to hold back tears, "Louis, listen to me."

He nodded as tears began to stream from his face, just knowing what I would say next.

It had started to become hard to speak, as he was nervously looking up at me. Even though he looked like he'd aged 20 years in one night, he was still beautiful. It still took my breath away, how beautiful he was. His blue eyes began to darken, as they always would when Louis became scared or upset. His precious and soft lips looked so kissable, just waiting for me to devour them. His soft skin felt so warm underneath my hands, which were beginning to slip off of his face due to all the tears he'd produced. It deeply saddened me to stand there, admiring Louis, knowing that what I said next would effect how he looked at me for the rest of our lives.

I gave him one last look, my eyes running over his lips.

"Louis, we can't," I paused to let out a sob, as Louis was silently crying under his baggy hoody, "you know we can't."

He quietly spoke up, "We can make it work, I know we can. They don't have to know, we can do that—"

"Louis, no. We can't make it work. We can't because even now, as I'm looking at you standing here, it pains me." I tightened my grip around his face while speaking through my gritted teeth. By now, Louis was a complete sobbing mess. I rubbed my thumb across his chin and cheekbone, wiping tears away from his cheek with my other hand.

"It pains me, Louis. It pains me, to hold your perfect face. Because I know, that no matter what I do, I can never go to sleep knowing that your pretty face will always be there for me to hold."