but the wait will be worth it

chapter forty seven

Niall recoiled quickly as I let out a laugh.

"Home? As in, to the arena, right?"

I laughed nervously while studying Niall's face. It was when he didn't laugh, when I steadied my smile into a frown and eyed him worriedly. Niall shifted his feet as I spoke up with a quieter tone.

"You are coming to the arena, right?" I mumbled.

Niall looked up at me sadly, a painful look in his eyes. I could tell that he was dreading having to open his mouth even more than I was.

"I'm going home. As in, home, home. Back to my family in Mullingar."

I threw a hand up in the air. "What the hell? This is a joke, right?"

My eyes began to sting, a huge lump beginning to form in my throat. Niall couldn't leave too. He was practically the glue holding this band together. I just couldn't afford to lose one more person in my life.

My eyebrows furrowed into a line while focused on Niall's confusing expression, but all I could see was sadness. Almost as if he looked disappointed with himself.

He shook his head slowly and turned to the ground. He wasn't crying, but by the look of his state he wasn't far from it.

"No, Harry. I'm actually going home," he muttered lowly. "Save your protests for another time, I'm already convinced."

I shook my head, stunned. It was when I began to examine Niall's expression more, when I realized that he just couldn't bare to face me. He couldn't look up at me, he wouldn't stop to notice the look on my face. I just knew that he was already upset with himself enough for the both of us.

So instead of yelling and giving him my all, I sat down quietly on the bed beside Niall where his suitcase laid. He turned down to me as I was steadying myself, after becoming quite dizzy and overwhelmed from Niall's sudden news.

"Only for a few months though, right? A break?" I questioned. Niall bit his lip in distress from watching me grow agitated with my arms crossed tightly to my chest.

"Not just for a few months..." he whispered in a tone that was almost inaudible. I swallowed hard and steadied my eyes on a chip in the tile of the floor. Setting my shoe on top of the mark, I traced it over lightly a few times as the silence between Niall and I grew cold.

"Tell me why," I said gravely before turning up to him. Niall shuffled his feet nervously. "Tell me why you've just decided to pack up and leave the band...leave us... I just don't understand."

I gritted my teeth and Niall took a seat on the bed beside me. With a sympathetic look, he turned to me and gave a half smile.

What a shitty friend I was. There Niall was, obviously hurting enough to want to quit the band, and I was the one being comforted. Selfish I was with Louis, and selfish was how I'd stay for the rest of my life.

Niall took a breath. "It's not that I don't love you boys—"

"Really?" I shouted. "Because my back is beginning to get pretty sore from this knife you've just lodged in it—"

"Harry, please. Let me speak."

My eyes began to sting and I tried desperately to force back tears. I chewed on the inside of my cheek roughly, as Niall fought to face my eyes. I never thought that I'd see him so broken like this.

"You know I love you boys. You're the best friends I'd ever had in my life, almost like brothers. But it's not even about you."

I nodded and tried to show that I was paying deep attention. Unfortunately, I was really just playing over hundreds of thoughts and worries in my head until he eventually began speaking again.