In Emersyn's Light

17- Ridiculous, isnt it?

hi:)

Saturday 19th May

01:32 AM

"Hi." She breathes into the phone.

"Hi you, it's late."

"I'm sorry, I know. I just woke up, I've been asleep pretty much since you dropped me home."

I sit up in bed, trying to adjust to the darkness. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Um, yep. Did I wake you?"

Yeah.

"No it's fine."

"You sound sleepy."

"It's fine."

"Why is it fine?"

What even time is it?

Half one. Right.

I yawn, leaning over to flick on the lamp.

"... why did you call Emersyn?"

"Oh yeah. I got a final confirmation from my publisher, like the email came through when I was asleep."

"Oh?" That's good right?

"Yeah, they want to publish, it's long and I won't bore you with the details, but I just wanted to update you."

"Okay, how long does it all take?"

"I am not sure. But not too long apparently, I was just thinking, there's a lot of stuff in the book that I know about, that I shared about, that you haven't shared with others, like your mum or Rayne or..."

"Emersyn." I interrupt.

"Yeah?" She sounded so wide awake, she was walking around as we spoke, I think anyway.

"Everything bad in terms of my head stuff, they know about now. They won't be surprised about any of it. Don't worry."

"What about the other stuff?"

"What other stuff?"

"The us stuff."

"If you want to share it Em, that's okay."

"I feel weird about it, I might... I don't know If I want to share us."

"What do you mean?"

"When I wrote it all, I felt so far away from you, I felt like you were such a part of my past that I didn't... I didn't feel strange about them reading all that. It was no longer my private business."

"Okay?"

"But now it feels a little different and I don't know why, I think it's just my brain trying to hate me."

"Em."

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing at you. I've been feeling a certain type of way too."

"You have?"

"It's the book, it's messing with us."

"So you don't think I should publish?"

"Wait what?"

"I just- it's so private. Everything that happened between us, I don't know."

"Em, it's so up to you. Just tell me what you wanna do."

"I am so proud of it, I want to like... It's the goal right, to get people to read your writing. To publish."

I nod. "Of course, it is, you should be proud of it."