In Emersyn's Light

24-what if she doesn't want me to fight for us?

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Sunday 27th May

I wake up to her hand spread under my top, softly running her fingertips across my skin in a soft steady rhythm that made me slide my own hand over her back more, pulling her to me.

I just want her close.

I turn more on my side, hugging her and she hums tiredly, moving her face to be pressed deeper into my neck.

I turn my face into her hair, fucking hell Em, Christ. My body is awake, I know she can feel it but it's just me, her, she ignores it.

"What time is it?" I mumble, it looked slightly dark still.

"Five." She whispers. "Sorry, I woke up I didn't mean to wake you."

"Shh." I whisper back, opening my eyes more. I pull back, looking at her and she tilts her head up, she was over to my side, her head on my pillow, us so close that I could feel the heat from her face.

"Morning." Is whispered, her face full of sleep, eyes cloudy, lips settled into a small welcoming smile.

"Morning. Did you sleep okay?"

She nods sleepily, lifting her hand to settle on my chest, feeling as I breathed. I just watched her.

"Did you?" She asks.

"Yeah."

Of course I did.

"My nod might have been an understatement." She admits, making me smile and I nod too.

"This feels slightly miserable." I say. "I don't like this; we should be happy."

Emersyn closes her eyes and I move a hand to her waist, admittedly feeling the smooth small curve and then using it to pull her closer to me.

She just moves closer on the pillow but doesn't let me pull her directly pressed against me.

"This was a bad idea." She says. "Letting me sleep here."

I just rest my head on the pillow so close to hers that she is purposely closing her eyes so our eyes aren't so intensely connected.

"Why?"

"You know why." She mumbles.

"You've woken up sad." I say softly, rubbing her waist with my thumb a little bit as i was thinking she might prefer less of a touch. 

"No. I'm okay." Emersyn says and I let out an amused exhale, watching her. She doesn't look ok. She looks sad.

"Em?" I say softly, sleep still in my voice. "Look at me?"

She lets her eyes open, them connecting with mine.

"You ever feel like there may be a reason why it's always bad timing with us?" I ask.

"I try not to think about you as much as I possibly can."

I laugh at that, pulling a face and she smiles, lifting her hand from my chest to slide over my shoulder and then she holds my face, and I just look at her.

"I mean it tends to do more harm than good when I try and think about things."

"You and your chaos." I whisper.

She smiles, blinking very slowly as we talk.

"I think there is something to be said about two people who find each other time and time again. Emersyn it's a global pandemic, there was no way we could have gotten as close as we have, but here we are, in my bed, we keep coming back to each other."