pathetic
really all i can use to describe you
take a look at yourself
how can you put this on me
look at who you kiss
look at the sickening smile he has
the same smile he used
to fucking tear me apart
i still can't drink apple juice
it makes me want to vomit
i can't drink a fucking juice
because of him
yet i'm the bad guy
he's the good guy
i never got a fucking apology from him
not even a half assed one
i don't hate you
god i should
i don't because i know you're pathetic
i know you can't help it
you crawl like a dog
for any sip of love
whether that be poisonous or not
you're fucking pathetic
and i say that in the kindest way
just remember who left first
remember who took you in after every break up
remember who tried to be a good brother
i'm not perfect and i never tried to be
what did you expect me to do
ask yourself honestly
did you expect me to just say okay
did you expect me to accept it
if so, you're dumber than i thought
would you have accepted it
would you have left someone you cared for
get with someone who made you die
it's like you spit on my trauma
you continue to do so
you look at this knowing it'll say bad things
maybe you're addicted
again
you're fucking pathetic
letting my words draw you in
which i knew they would
i knew you'd be curious
i knew you'd read this
and i'm glad you did
because you're just digging your hole deeper
go ahead and blame me
but in the end
you'll still be fucking pathetic
actually i'm not done
you act like i came for your fucking throat
if i wanted to, i could've
but i fucking didn't
stop trying to victimize yourself
i've seen how fucked up you are
and i know you rely on love to fill you
but it fucking won't
get that into your head
no matter how many you kiss
how many you love
you'll still be a pathetic piece of shit
i tried to be a friend
i tried to be a brother
but you FUCKING CHOSE HIM
why don't you get that
it's not about me wanting to hurt you
i never wanted that
i would've killed for you
i would kill myself before i hurt you
it's about you choosing him
choosing an abuser
choosing a manipulator
choosing someone who willingly hurt me
i guess my love wasn't returned
i guess i didn't mean shit to you
i guess i was wrong
you weren't family were you
so in the end
was it me who strived to break you
despite my efforts to help
like forcing my parents to use your correct name?
or was it you
using me for the benefits of what the fuck ever
you seeing me as disposable
you choosing others
i don't hate you
despite what you may be told by him
i would still break a bitch if they misgendered you
but i don't want any thanks or anything from you for that
i want you to feel guilty
but you won't
you never did
i hope he fucks you up just as much
i'd hate to see it
but maybe that's how you learn
maybe that's what'll get through to you
but i won't be there to fucking pick you up
and if he doesn't
congrats you win
have a sticker
you still betrayed me
and you're still pathetic.
