here's the attention you crave.
"you should be over it" no, i shouldn't be. don't put a time limit to my pain. you hurt me and i don't care to admit that. you hurt me and that pain won't fucking go away for a long time. you- someone i saw as a brother, someone i trusted with my whole heart, someone i defended and believed day after day- fucking chose my abuser. no, i don't think you owe me shit. you didn't ask me to care or to protect you to my best abilities. that's what brothers do. you don't owe me shit, but you didn't have to treat me like that.
if i hurt you like you say i did, tell me how. i genuinely want to know, because nothing i did was with the intention to hurt you. i don't really give a fuck if you believe that, because i know i'm not a liar. i thought you knew that too, but your little boyfriend has the tendency to manipulate your ideas of other people.
yes, i said i missed you. but here's where you misunderstood. i miss the brother i had, the guy i could see as a safe place, the guy i thought was my best friend. i don't miss whatever or whoever you are now. maybe those are the same people and i'm just trying to scramble up some good in you. maybe there isn't any. maybe you've always been a flaking, betraying piece of shit.
you comforted me through his abuse. you helped me get through his manipulation. you were there, you were someone i relied on, and yet you chose to be with him? he caused me so much fucking pain that you saw first hand, yet that's boyfriend material.
i don't care for you anymore. i don't expect you to change or apologize. i don't want you in my life again. i'm hurt and i'm expressing that, because i am allowed to. you hurt me, you can't fix that and i don't want you to attempt to. i know you won't, because you're too busy making yourself out to be the victim of this. you are not the fucking victim.
victims don't willingly and knowingly date other people's abuser. remember, he's not only my abuser but others' as well. you hurt others, but you were my best friend.
my parents said they loved you, they trusted you. i trusted you. hell, i still defend you in some ways to this day when people say shit about you. i give you basic human decency, but you gave me less than. you threw me away. if you hated me so much, you could've said so instead of getting with him. maybe you just wanted to make it very clear where i stood.
you dating him is borderline invalidating all the trauma he caused. why else would you get with him? you either don't believe me or you think he's changed. guess what? he hasn't. and you aren't the one to decide that anyway. his victims get to say he's changed. you aren't his victim. maybe that's what you want to be. you WANT to be manipulated by him.
do you want drunk voicemails from him? you want him to force you into saying you love him? you want him to make you want to die? you want him to shamelessly flirt with you then laugh at you when you express your feelings? you want him to cheat on you? you want him to give more attention to others while ignoring every discomfort you express? you want that?
you can fucking have it. remember how after all your breakups- of the relationships you dropped me for because i said they wouldn't work- i was there? i reached out? you won't have that. and all his friends that became your friends? gone. they know how he is, i've talked to some of them, they just don't care. they don't care about you, they certainly won't after he's done with you.
or maybe your his perfect victim. one who's too pathetic to leave, easily controlled into thinking he's perfect. maybe you'll only realize how shit you have it when it's too late. when you've wasted years and years on that monster.
he is an abuser, and you chose him over not just someone who saw you as family, but over his victims.
rot with him.
