i'm loosing my grip
listen, i've had control over the urges for a good but, i even got rid of the pencil sharpeners.
i hate myself for doing that now
i searched my room high and low for just one. one that i missed. one i kept around for actual pencils. just one.
past me knew better than that.
i fucking hate him or doing that. dude, not only do i actually need to sharpen my pencils, but i'm restless now. fuck, i know i shouldn't fall back into old habits, but it's all i got.
i'm so tired of being numb
i want someone to love me. i want people to text me and smile when i respond. i want someone to interact with me out of love, not pity or concern.
i want someone to care
i've been posting sad shit, but no one asked if i was okay. yes, it's attention seeking, but attention is what i need. i need someone to at least show me they see me. i need to be seen.
at the same time, i feel like shit when people ask if i'm okay. i know i'm crying for them to, but then brushing them off. it's just that reassurance that someone sees me. i'm not just forgotten.
that i'll be noticed missing after a bit
but honestly, i'm not going to die. it's too scary and i'm indecisive. i'm just sad. yeah. that's all. i'll be okay, i always am.
thank you for seeing me. that's all i needed.
