My Year with Grandma

Depression and Confession

When morning came, I opted to ignore the world. Bethany tried to get me out of bed, but I shooed her away. Mom came in shortly afterwards to get me up but gave up after a few minutes. It's nice to know I can still get her to do things my way. She took the twins downstairs and buried my face into my blankets. I just wanted to the world to go away. I wanted to sleep and stay asleep until life was over. I wasn't cut out for all this bullshisk. I think I've held up pretty well considering what I've been through this year. I mean, I've been arrested twice, sent to live with strangers; forced to be sober, had twins. Twins!! My best friend's twins at that. My best friend whom I have lost seemingly forever. Turned sixteen. Discovered my annoying uncle that I knew nothing about before coming here is actually my dad, who I thought was dead. Parents get married, I make friends with a horse and a skunk, of all animals. They both die; of course. I get adopted by a rambunctious three-year-old who now calls me Mom. I'm still only sixteen... And Gram, the most infuriating woman I have ever met, who took me in, cleaned me up, taught me things I didn't even know I wanted to know, knew things about me I didn't even know myself, and sneakily got me to love and cherish her... that woman now lies in hospital with God knows what injuries. I can't. I just can't. Not today. Maybe not ever again. I friggen hate life right now. I'm gonna stay in this bed and pretend I'm somewhere else. I'm done.

"Wake up, Buttercup!" Oh god. I forgot about my gargantuan aunt! "You and I are going in to pick up Gram." She announced as she ripped my blankets off me. "Come on. Get dressed."

"No." I whined, reaching for the covers. "I wanna stay in bed!"

"So," she said calmly with her arms crossed over her chest. "You're going in your pajamas?" She smirked with a raised eyebrow. This look told me two things. One; I was going with her dressed or not. Two; I was going with her regardless of whether I wanted to.

"Fine!" I grumbled as I got out of bed. I opted to stay in my pajamas though. Something about the Grumpy Cat t-shirt and paw print pants said all I wanted to say for the day. I slipped into my winter botts and coat and followed my favorite blonde amazon out the door.

"The kids are with your parents at their house. They're fine." May answered the question I had on my mind. So, apparently this witchy psychic thing is a normal thing around here. "Just in case you were wondering. They thought they'd give some time to yourself today since you were so adamant about staying in bed this morning." I just nodded an acknowledgement. "You know..." she persisted. I pursed my lips in annoyance and stared out my window as we drove. "It's been a tough month for everybody."

"I guess."

"You've been through a lot this year, I know. Been forced to do a lot of growing up in a very short time."

"Your point?"

"Just to remind you that it's okay to not be okay all the time." I rolled my eyes. Great. She has a sappy side. I wiped the stray tear that escaped before she could notice. "Pretending to be strong doesn't make you strong. It makes you tired. It's okay to cry sometimes." I blinked back more tears that tried to breach my wall. "Even if it's over something the world might think is silly." I could feel her eyes on me. I refuse to look at her. "Like a skunk."

So much for holding back tears. She had mention Jackie. I don't wanna cry over an animal. Damn it. Why Jackie? He was my friend. He was a skunk you idiot. I don't care, he was my friend. Stupid May. Why'd she have to remind me of him. Grrr. It hurts too much to think. "You know I hate you right now." I growled.

"Yes. And that's okay too."

By the time we reached the hospital, I had cried so much that I looked stoned because of how red my eyes were. I followed her into the main lobby and waited for her to deal with whatever she had to deal with at the front desk. I thoughtlessly thumbed through the magazines in the waiting area while avoiding eye contact with the others in the room. "Hey," May tapped my shoulder to gain my attention. "I gotta head upstairs for a bit. Do you mind waiting down here?" My eyes widen a bit as I lookeda round at all the people in the waiting room. She must've interpreted my expression as panic because she followed up with, "Or in the chapel maybe? I'm sure there isn't too many folks in there right now." I agreed and she led me to the chapel before going to the elevator station.