My Year with Grandma

The Good News Is...

I awoke feeling a little out of sorts. My dream of Jude was unsettling to say the least. I don't know what brought it on, but I was unable to shake the feeling that something was really wrong with him. I also couldn't shake the scene in the kitchen yesterday. True, I've only known Gram a couple of months, but she didn't strike me as the sort that would lose her shtuff like that. I could see Jimmy doing something like. He strikes me as the type to throw a temper fit or two. I'd like to hide out in my room in fear like normal, but I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and there is no way anyone here is going to let me miss it.

Gram told me I was running out of time to decide and I needed to at least get checked out and have an ultrasound to see where I was at in the pregnancy. She said it would make my decision easier if I knew how far along I was for sure because it would tell me exactly how much time I had left to make up my mind. I wasn't showing at all and I've been able to blame my weight gain on being clean and sober. Speaking of weight, I am starving so I guess I'd better, 'buck up buttercup' as May would say, and go downstairs.

I made it to the bottom of the stairs when I heard Gram talking to someone. "Don't get your panties in a wad, Sis; ain't nobody said a thing." She said. "It's not our secret to tell, you know."

"I know. I just worry..." I know that voice!! I burst into the room and wrapped my arms around her before she could finish her sentence. "Missy! I have missed you so much." She wrapped me in her arms and kissed my forehead.

"I missed you, Mom. I'm so glad to see you."

"Me too." I heard Gram clear her throat. Mom pulled me from the embrace to look at me. "Though I wish my visit was under better circumstances." Sorrow was etched across her face and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"Come on, honey. We have to talk." She took me by the shoulder and led me into the living room. We sat on the couch and I watched her look everywhere but at me. "There's really no easy way to say this."

I put my hand on her thigh to calm her down. "Mom! Just say it."

She blinked back tears. "It's Jude. Honey." I clapped my hand to my mouth, shaking my head. "I know how much he means to you."

The tears came in a flood. "He's dead?"

She smiled a little. "No, honey. He's alive. For now. He's currently on life support. He's not expected to recover."

The car accident. My dream was real? Oh my god, oh my god. Oh. My. God. I let out breath I had been holding. "Car accident?" I asked to confirm what I thought I knew.

"No."

"No? Then what? Overdose? What?" She reached into her purse and pulled out a letter addressed to me from Jude. "He didn't..."

"Oh, no. No, he didn't. It was his dad, Melissa. His dad shot him. The news said he had taken a plea deal for testifying against his dad and clearly his dad was not having it. This letter came in the mail for you the day it happened. I'm so sorry, Missy." I squeezed her and let my tears fall.

**

I no longer had an appetite. I felt hollow inside, but I did eat a sandwich only because Gram hovered over me until I had finished it. When it came time to leave for my appointment, Gram insisted on taking Mom along. I tried to argue because I didn't want to tell her about the baby, but Gram said her consent would be needed if I chose to terminate the pregnancy. Suffice to say Mom didn't take the news well. She said a lot awful things about Jude and agreed that termination was the best course of action considering. Gram disagreed with her, most ardently. I stayed out of it as best I could and just let them hash it out while we drove to town. I only offered up the occasional 'whatever' and 'I don't know' when they directed the conversation to me in the backseat. I chose instead, to read and reread Jude's last letter.