My Year with Grandma

Monster Gramma

May led me to the front door of the large farmhouse she had parked in front of.  She turned the knob and hesitated just long enough to ask me the question, "Do you have any drugs on you?" before opening the door wide without knocking. "Hey, Gram!  Were home!"  A rather intimidating looking German Shepherd came barreling down the stairs and I thought I was goner for sure.  "Put your bad on the floor, sweet stuff." May said and I dropped the backpack quickly.  The dog immediately grabbed the bag and dragged a few feet away.  May watched the whole ordeal with amusement on her face while I watched in horror as the dog managed to open the bag and dump its contents onto the floor.

"He's destroying my stuff!" I protested rather loudly.  "Make him stop!  Please."

"She, is doing her job." A deep voice said in a calm but unnerving tone.  "And you two are a day late. The plane landed yesterday." I looked to see a woman only slightly shorter than May descending the stairs.  Mom could have mentioned she was sending me to live with Amazons. But then she failed to mention they existed at all.

"Sorry, Gram.  We had a couple of panic attacks to deal with." May offered.  Panic attacks?  What panic attacks??  We jumped off the plane!!

"I see." She locked eyes with me as she stepped closer. The woman was dressed in exactly what I had imagined a hippie type witchy woman would be dressed.  Loud print leggings covered by a full skirted sundress, split open on the sides from floor to hip.  Around her neck were amber beads along with a leather string with a steel cross; her silver hair was mixed with rainbow colors in long dreads that hung to her waist, the sides of which were tied behind her head with feather adorned leather string.  She looked far younger than a grandmother should, yet ancient at the same time.  She was mesmerizing and frightening. Delicate and tough.  She stopped before me, looking from toe to head and back with her haunting icy grey/blue eyes.  I have never felt so exposed in my life; nor have I ever felt so incredibly small.  I mean, I stood eye level to her chest!  She glanced over at the dog who had found my stash that I thought I had hidden pretty well. Wrapped in plastic, put in an Altoid tin, wrapped in a dryer sheet and finally folded in my underwear.  I thought I did a good job considering I made it through the TSA with it.  Stupid dog!  "Is that all Mars?" She asked the dog who responded by nodding to her and then sitting next to her, facing me.  "Maybe?"

"Yes, ma'am." May chirped as left the room.

I glared at the dog for outing me.  She just tilted her head and looked at me as if to say 'nanner, nanner'.  I really hate dogs.  "Mars," the woman interjected, snapping me out of my glare. "Meet Magpie."  The dog raised a paw. 

I blinked. "Magpie?"  it first thing I said in this woman's presence.  "My name is..."

"Magpie." She repeated.  "Here, you are Magpie."  She ruffled the fur between the dog's ears.  "Good girl, Mars.  Now go help Maybe finish up."  The dog left in the direction May had gone earlier.  "You, my dear, may call me Gram."

"What about Gramma?"

"I said, Gram."

"Fine.  Gram.  Whatever. Where's my room?  I'll put my stuff away."

"Your stuff is already put where it goes.  That stuff you brought won't be allowed as it has been contaminated by the contents of your Altoid box."

"But that's my stuff! You can't..."

"Can't what?" She sorta bellowed.  "This is my home.  I make the rules.  And for the next year, this is your prison, so you don't get to choose what you can keep."

"Prison?  I thought you were my grandmother.  That's what Mom said."

"I am and as much as I love you, you are not here of your own free will.  Follow me."  She turned on her heels and stalked off towards a room behind the stairs.  As I followed her, I saw May and the dog return with a black trash bag which I assume was for my stuff.  What was the point of packing anything?  I came to the room and found Gram sitting at a large rustic wooden table.  "Sit." She said pointing the chair near her. I complied though I made my distain clear by my attitude.  I jerked the chair back and sat hard, spreading my legs wide and planting one foot to the inner thigh of the opposing leg.  I glared at the woman, refusing to let her see the fear that was coursing through my veins.  "Correctly, young lady." 

Fine!!  I rolled my eyes as I put my foot down.  I scooted the chair in under me and rest my arms on the table. "Better?" I asked sarcastically.

"No.  But it'll do for today."  She took a jar from her left that I hadn't noticed was there before and scooted in front of me.  "Jewelry off.  All of it.  Put it in this jar.  You can have it back when you leave."

"But I don't want..."

"You get no wants here, little girl."  She cocked an eyebrow at me.  Something in her gaze told me that if I didn't comply, my body would never be found.  I pursed my lips in frustration, again hiding the fear that was quickly morphing into terror and started taking off my neck chains.  Then bracelets, arm bands and rings. Plunk, plunk, plink.  Each piece a memory of my life.  Each one precious to me.  The left pinky ring was a gift from Jude last Christmas.  Right pinky was from him on my last birthday.  The skull ring on my middle finger was from him too.  As was the snake band on my left ring finger.  She watched me intently as I removed each piece.  "Piercings too," She added when I hesitated after taking my last ring off.

"But they're too new," I whined. "The holes will close."

"So.  Get them redone when you go home next year.  Off." She slid a smaller jar in front me for them.  At this point, I started to cry a little.  Not like loud crying, just silently letting tears stream down my cheeks.  Maybe showing emotion could soften this old broad up towards me.  Plink went the brow stud, Plink, nose ring, plunk, nose stud, Plink, plink, snake bites.  Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink went the left ear of earings.  Right ear, nine tinks.  Done.  I put my hands in my laps.  "Ahem," she cleared her throat.  I followed her eyes to my belly and back.  "Forgot one."

"Oh, right." I whispered as I took out my belly ring.

"Good girl.  These will be kept safe and returned to you when you leave.  Now, put your hands right here."  She patted the space in front of her.  I reluctantly obeyed.  She reached into her pocket and pulled a small bottle of acetone and some cotton balls.  "Nail polish is a no go here.  Especially this black stuff you have."

"Are you always this mean?" I sniped as she rubbed my ebony gloss off my nails.

"Mmm Hmm." She agreed.  "I'm good at it." She winked at me, giving me a sly grin. "Seems to be genetic." May came in the room with a smile holding a set of clothing.  "Ah!  Just in time.  I appreciate you, Maybe.  You know that don't you?"

"I do, Gram.  And I appreciate you."

"Well," Gram said looking at me.  "I'm done for now.  Maybe here will show you where the shower is.  Please get cleaned up and put on these clothes.  We'll fix your hair soon enough.  By the looks of it, I'd say a couple of weeks and it'll be ready to be cut."

"Cut?!  I like my hair this length!"

"Did you forget already?  You don't get likes here.  And hair dye is a no go.  We can buzz it off now if necessary.  I just thought I'd let it grow a little bit more to make the cut a little less shocking."

"Do what you want!" I growled, knowing I wasn't going to win any argument here.

"Very well.  Maybe, have Tuna give her a shave before the shower."

Well crap!  Now I'm going to be bald!  Why am I being tortured with this nightmare?  Why does life hate me so much?  "Come on, sugar snap.  Let's get it over with." May said.  I refused to move with my arms crossed over my chest.  "I can make you, you know."  Yes, yes she could.  She could squeeze the life out of me with one hand. Well, fine.  If'n they were gonna kill me, I was going to make them work at it.