Keiran walked up to the calendar hanging on one of the beige walls in his room and made a cross on the last day of July.
"Goodbye, July," he said sadly, looking at the marker in his hands.
Everything during the last month passed by smoothly. No hurricanes or dramatic scenes between Belle and Keiran. They talked often and they met very rarely, as Keiran expected.
Belle was too absorbed in her job and she was having a very good time at the library. On the other hand, Keiran was getting more and more bored. Stress was increasing and he was suffering from loneliness. He would sit in his room for hours and think about different things—mostly about Belle and her reaction when he would tell her about the journal.
During that phase, Keiran realized how complex a human mind is. When a person doesn't have anything to do, weird thoughts penetrate in the mind and make a person go through psychological problems.
Like Keiran would Sometimes practice what he’d say to Belle about the diary; he would practice it for hours in front of the mirror. He must have practiced it a hundred times by now.
His condition was getting worse day by day. He didn't know what exactly should he do. It was something he couldn't understand himself; he couldn't tell what exactly was bothering him so much. Was he depressed, stressed, hopeless, lonely, or all of the above?
His thoughts and visions were driving him crazy.
Whenever he talked to Belle on the phone, his tone would automatically become normal just the way he was but as soon as he said goodbye, his confused state would come back.
One day, Keiran was sitting on his bed. He looked at the alarm clock: 3:30AM. He sighed in frustration and laid down again to close his eyes. From time to time, he would change sides on his bed or imagine different things in his head in order to drift into sleep. He got up from the bed again and checked the time. It was 4:15AM. He got really frustrated at this. Why couldn't he sleep?...
He rested his head on the pillow once again but this time he concentrated on the peaceful atmosphere around him. It was so silent that a pin dropping would have echoed in the room and the sound of his heart beat was the only noise in his room. He slowly breathed through his nose, letting his eyelids close in an attempt to relax.
'I'm feeling like this because why?'
"Ask yourself, Keiran," he said to himself.
He thought about all the memories of him and Belle. Everything from the first meeting to the last. He was slowly and slowly starting to realize it....
He was guilty and scared to lose her. He wanted to tell her but he knew deep down she's not going to like the truth.
He was depressed because he didn't want to hide it from her anymore but he didn't want to lose her by telling the truth. He was feeling helpless and hopeless.
He was realizing it now how much he has become attached to her in this short span of time. Even when Megan left him, who according to Keiran, was one of the best things happened to him in life, he felt sad for a long period but he pushed it away.
So why was he feeling so afraid of losing Belle?
He repeated this question in his mind again and again.
Why, Keiran? Why is this feeling so strong for Belle? When Megan left him he was broken and disturbed but he somehow didn't feel anything like what he was feeling now?
He even told Megan he loved her so damn much but he's not even sure if love exists in Belle's case....
Keiran didn't realize at what time his brain stopped solving the confusing thoughts in his mind. He opened his eyes the next day when he felt sunlight rays striking his eye lids.
He unconsciously picked up the alarm clock from the side table and checked the time. It was 12pm. He walked up to his closet and changed into a casual t-shirt with jeans.
He realized that he was the only one at home since Stella had gone to work. He looked out the window and a smile formed on his lips when he saw the car in the drive way.
"Bingo!"
He took the car keys and sat in the driving seat and started the engine.
After driving for few minutes, he parked in car in front of Coffee Mania.
He ordered a cup of coffee for himself. As soon as the waiter placed the coffee on his table, he remembered the time when Belle made him hot coffee at her house. He smiled at the thought of it.
After he was done with the coffee, he headed out and decided to drive around the city, while driving through the city, little things reminded him of Belle throughout the day.
Like when he was driving through a rose garden. The yellow roses reminded him of Valentine’s Day when he bought her yellow flowers.
In the evening, he finally decided to head home. He was really getting worried about his obsessive thinking about the memories of Belle.
"KEIRAN!KEIRAN! Come! Look at this!” He heard Stella calling him loudly as soon as he came in the front door.
He entered the living and an annoyed expression formed on this face.
"Come, come. Watch this movie with me," Stella said, her eyes fixed on the TV. It was her daily routine; she would watch a bunch of scary movies after coming back from work.
Keiran sighed and took the seat next to her on the couch.
"Final Destination 5?" He asked raising an eye brow.
She nodded.
After watching for an hour, Keiran didn't like the movie at all. He felt chills running all over his body when the boy in the movie had the vision. Keiran was somehow relating his own situation with the actor in the movie.
What if he told Belle the truth and in response she slapped him hard on the cheek or what if she cried so much and avoided him forever? What if?
Weird visions were flashing in front of his eyes. Keiran’s eyes were becoming wide and his heart was beating loudly. He could feel cold sweat all over his body.
Keiran immediately stood up from the sofa and hurried out the door.
"Keiran! At least watch the full movie?" He heard Stella shout from the sofa.
"Enough is enough. It’s now or never," Keiran said and left the house. He started the engine and drove towards the library to see Belle.
He couldn't take this torture anymore. He's going to tell her the truth about the diary.
_____________________
Happy Valentine's day!
<3
Updated:14-feb-2015
Xoxo
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