Our new year

C#16

Keiran was placing his folded shirts in a small bag, which was lying on the bed. His phone started ringing and he answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Yes, Mom?" He knew who it was without checking. Who else ever called him? "Yes, Mom, I get there at 5pm tomorrow. This is the third time you called and asked the same question." Keiran sighed.

The day was almost there when Keiran was going to meet his mother after moving here with his aunt. His mother couldn't contain the excitement to see his son again.

Keiran was happy too, but he was a bit sad at the same time; he wanted to spend more time with Belle this summer.

After hanging up, he wanted to share the news with Belle. He hadn't seen her since the shopping trip they took a few days ago. He knew too well that she wouldn’t call nor message him, so he, as always, messaged or called her.

But today, Keiran wanted to go to her place and meet her.

********

Belle was sitting on the single sofa next to the bookcase, busy writing in her journal, smiling, about the dancing moves Keiran showed her in the mall.

Belle heard the doorbell and placed the diary on the table in front of her and walked to the door. She opened it and Keiran was standing in front of her.

"Oh," Belle said suddenly. She wasn't expecting him.

"Hey," He replied, giving her the most innocent smile ever.

For few seconds, Belle just stared at him. She was hoping to hear an explanation about his reason to be here but he didn't say anything.

"Come in," Belle said finally.

They entered the living room and Belle gestured for him to sit down. Belle sat on the sofa next to him.

"Mom's not home," Belle said.

Keiran was looking around the living room. His eye shifted back to Belle.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here to see you," He said, smiling warmly.

"Oh, okay." Then she suddenly stood up from the spot.

"Wait here, I'll bring coffee for you." Belle remembered the incident when she didn't invite him in on the rainy day when he dropped her home.

Keiran chuckled but nodded. He was amused because Belle was too funny. It was 30 degrees outside and she was bringing coffee for him instead of cold juice or water.

While Keiran was waiting for Belle to bring the coffee, his eyes landed on the diary in front of him. It was the same diary he gave her as a present. A weird feeling passed his body. He realized that Belle still writes. She told him she stopped writing, but that clearly wasn’t true. Keiran looked at the kitchen door. No sign of Belle. As he was about to pick up the diary, something stopped him. He couldn't pick it up. He didn't want to do things behind her back, but then he remembered something.

Why he couldn't do it this time? He had already done it before, so why can't he do it this time?

"The coffee’s here," Belle came in, holding a cup of coffee in her hand, smiling at Keiran.

Keiran came back to reality. He coughed a little and then smiled at her.

"Thank you," He said, taking the cup from her hand.

Keiran was too embarrassed to even look at her directly. He was trying his best to avoid making eye contact with her.

"So, are you just here to have coffee?" Bell asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh, no. Actually, I wanted to say goodbye before I leave." Keiran said, taking a sip of coffee.

Suddenly, Belle’s smile dropped. "Goodbye?" she repeated in confusion.

"I'm going to my home town to see my mother. I haven't seen her for five or six months." Belle nodded in response.

There was silence again.

"So, you’ve started writing again." Keiran gestured to her diary.

Belle followed his direction "You were the one who wanted me to write about new memories, remember?" Belle raised an eye brow.

"Ah, yes," Keiran said, remembering the time when he gave her the present on Valentine’s Day.

"You didn't read it, did you?" Belle asked, looking at him suspiciously.

"No, no, Belle, I haven't touched—" Belle cut him off, laughing loudly

"I know, Keiran. I was just teasing. I trust you."

The last line made his heart sink. He didn't say anything. He just looked at her, analyzing her, trying to figure out if she being serious.

The look on her face was quite readable. She was serious and that made Keiran feel guiltier. He felt like a jerk.

"Are you okay?" Belle asked. "You aren't talking much today."

"Oh please. Today I'm trying to be nice, you know. You’re always the one who tells me to shut up, right?" Keiran smirked at her.

"Uhm, Keiran, can I ask you something?" Belle asked, breaking eye contact with him.

Suddenly, the atmosphere was changed. Just because of her tone, Keiran’s heart started beating loudly. He was nervous.

"Yeah, of course," Keiran said nervously.

"Remember that day at school when you told me about the thread-like necklace you always wear?" Keiran didn't understand what exactly she was trying to ask him. He just nodded in response.

She continued, "That person who gave you the necklace, is that person is still alive or still around you?" Belle finished.

Keiran remained silent, then spoke after inhaling a large amount of air.

"That person is still alive, but left me a long time ago, so I consider that person almost dead." He said, deeply staring at Belle. Every word came out of his mouth in whispers.

"I thought maybe that person is dead. I thought maybe-may-" Belle’s voice was breaking now, but she continued to speak "Maybe we are on the same side. I was thinking that you… maybe you have been through the same phase like me. I thought that maybe you know how I feel and what I'm going through. What I’ve been through. How I feel..."

Her eyes were full of tears and, one by one, the tears were escaping her eyes.

She didn't bother to wipe them off.

"I'm afraid I mi-might end myself." As soon as these words left her mouth, Keiran pulled her quickly towards himself and embraced her tightly.

The moment her head crashed against his shoulder, she felt like crying even more loudly. She cried and she wasn't embarrassed at all. She felt relieved.

"Don't you dare say that again. I will never ever lose you. Understand?" She heard Keiran whisper.

She could feel that Keiran was shaking.

******

Keiran was driving back home, his mind full of thoughts. What just happened? He didn't want to leave this town. He wanted to stay and cancel his ticket, but he knew it was too late. His mom would be devastated.

He was afraid that he might lose her. Just the thought made him shiver. He was acting too possessive and attached even though she wasn't that expressive, but Keiran didn't care. Just in the short time, he has gotten so attached to her. He didn't realize it until today after hearing her confession.

He entered the living room and saw Stella eating a bowl of popcorn, her eyes fixed on the screen.

"Where were you? I called you a zillion times. Your mom was worried-" She stopped talking when she realized that Keiran just ignored her and went into his room.

Keiran entered his room and quickly walked to the bookcase and took out Belle’s diary. He’d kept it there for a long time. He quietly opened it and went through the pages again. He was having a feeling of déjà vu, but the only difference was that he knew very well what was written in it.

He started taking deep breaths. He felt so guilty. He wanted to tell her the truth that he stole her old diary and read it all.

He couldn't do it, but he had no other choice.

Updated:12-december-2014