Loving you could be the end of me (Shoni Fanfic)

Chapter 14 - We are who we are

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Days went by gradually, causing the survivors on the island to begin to lose their minds. Toni and Shelby weren't talking at all, in fact, they didn't look at each other at all. The others hoped they could work it out, however they were slowly but surely, losing hope. Martha and Tom were thick as thieves. They both never left each other's side. Toni was absolutely ecstatic for her best friend. She wouldn't lie that she was a little jealous at the fact that Tom and Martha's relationship seemed to have no difficulties. Fatin was infatuated with Leah, which everyone found immensely adorable. Dot was getting close with Taylor. Both of them held a huge amount of trust for one another. Nora attempted to get close to Quinn with the aid of Rachel, which failed miserably. Dylan, Archie, Joey were manifesting a rescue soon. Hunter was preoccupied with Andrew, making sure that he won't seek to hold anyone at knifepoint, again. Toni and Sky continued to get to know one another, while Shelby kept to herself, occasionally speaking to Dot or Fatin, sometimes even Leah.

Shelby had yet to make a decision on who she wants to be with. She continuously contemplated on just keeping up on the life in general. She always saw how joyful Toni was, with Sky. She knew that Hunter would probably be better off without her. Shelby wanted to cry out of frustration, but she didn't have neither the energy nor the tears to do so. 

"You should just talk to her, Shelbs." Leah stated, disrupting Shelby's trail of thoughts. Leah sat down next to Shelby, looking out into the ocean. Both girls were quiet, not speaking a word.

"How am I supposed to do that?" Shelby asked, quietly. 

"It's easy. Just, walk up to her and ask her if you both can talk to one another. You won't get anywhere, if you don't talk to each other."

Shelby let out a brief chuckle at Leah's straightforward answer.

"It's easier said than done, Leah. I feel like if I go up to her, I might break down on the spot, because of the pressure to get out a decent apology. One, where she would forgive me for what I did." Leah nodded, understanding Shelby's fact.

"It never hurts to try, Shelby. Toni was the one to push you beyond your comfort zone, and accept yourself for who you are. Everyone can see how much you love one another. The distant stares, the emotional tension between you both, the yearning to be in each other's arms...."

Shelby sighs, before speaking up.

"Skylar has filled that void in Toni's heart. The one where I was incapable of filling. I may be the one in Toni's eyes, but Skylar holds a strong grip on her heart." Shelby concluded, leaving her seat next to Leah, and made her way to the ocean. 

Shelby didn't go that deep into the ocean, afraid of seeing another shark. She striped off her tank top and shorts, aching to feel a sense of comfort in the ocean. She laid back, looking up at the sky, while the water held her up. She spread her arms and legs, so the water was able to hold her in place. For the first time in awhile, she felt a sense of tranquility and peace, just listening to the soothing sounds of the waves, and the chirps of the few birds that were stranded on the island, miles away from their families.

"Hey, chica. " Fatin interrupted, causing Shelby to open her eyes, angry at Fatin for disturbing her. 

"If you're here to tell me what Leah was preaching, then don't waste your breath. I AM NOT talking to her."

"I wasn't going to say that, but now that you have mentioned it, Leah is 100% right. Toni adores you, just like you adore her back. The fact that you both won't talk to each other, is driving me absolutely nuts. You guys are like those baby gays that just recently found out that they are in love with each other. And are too scared to admit that they need each other, and are too fucking stubborn to even say anything. You both are putting the lesbian community in shame, because  you both aren't winningly, trying to fix what is broken between you gu-----"

"That's the thing! The reason why I won't fix it, is because it is already broken. My love for her is physically and emotionally draining me. I cheated on her, because I WANTED TO FEEL NOTHING! I didn't want to feel ANYTHING. INSTEAD, I felt something for someone else, who is so much better than me. They BOTH are BETTER than me! Leah and yourself and everyone on this GODFORSAKEN island, should give me SOME FUCKING TIME, and NOT bombard me with your opinions, which are no help at all. THEY DESERVE BETTER! A broken person like me doesn't deserve to be with anyone." Shelby ended, making Fatin extremely shocked. The others on the island heard every single word that Shelby spoke, making them feel guilty on intruding on a very private and personal moment for Shelby.

Shelby was gasping out quite quickly, feeling a small weight lift off her shoulders. The only thing she desired was to be left alone, and to get her shit together.

Shelby looks at the others, extremely angry that their eyes looked at her with pity. Her eyes automatically landed on Toni, who was staring right back at her. Toni's eyes held a tremendous amount of guilt, remorse and affection. Toni desperately wanted to walk to Shelby to wrap her arms around the blonde, holding her tightly. However, an arm prevented her from doing so. Toni looked at Sky, who shook her head. 

Toni looked at Shelby, who scoffed at the display between Toni and Sky. Shelby looked back at Fatin, who also witnessed the display. Shelby pointed to the pair, whilst looking at Fatin.

"That is the main reason why I won't do anything. There will always be someone stopping me from doing so. It would be the devil on my shoulder, the voices in my head, Andrew or even her. I may be a lot of things, Fatin but I definitely, ain't an asshole who would sever a relationship which would blossom instantly. It would blossom to a point, where every single relationship on this planet, would be inferior to theirs. I could never have a relationship like theirs, so I have given up on it." 

Shelby looks at Toni and Skylar, finally dropping her finger which was pointing at them and then averts her gaze to Hunter, who was holding Andrew tightly, so he could keep an eye on him. Shelby then gazed at everyone, speaking the following words;

"YOU ALL WANTED AN ANSWER! WELL, I HAVE GOT ONE FOR YOU ALL! I CHOOSE NO ONE. FROM NOW ON, I AM ONLY GOING TO BE FOCUSSING ON MYSELF. I DON'T CARE IF THAT MAKES ME SELFISH, I AM DOING IT." 

"I WANT TO BE ALONE! DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF!"

Shelby knew these next words would break everything that she had tried to build, but she didn't care.

"Toni can let Skylar control every single decision she makes. She could even have her heart, but.... I will always be implanted in her brain and her life." Shelby finished, walking away from everyone, whilst everyone were shook to the core.

"Well, god damn. Shelby went off the rails. I don't blame her." Fatin spoke, causing everyone to shake their heads, at Fatin's failed attempt to defuse the situation.

Everyone could never imagine what would happened next...

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Author's note:

Hi, guys. Next chapter will be longer. Sorry for the long break. Your comments give me life. Don't forget to vote and comment on what you think may happen next. Stay safe xx.