Rain Clouds (WE BEST LOVE FF)

Ni (に)

3 years ago

"So, how long will you be there..?" He most definitely can detect my disappointed tone as he hold my hand, linking our fingers together as we stroll down the Shuangxi Park. 

"No longer than 4 months, I just need to be there for my mom until her wedding. I'll be back before you know it". His hands felt tighter around mine reassuring my anxious mind.

"Okay, if you say so. Just be good, dont go around looking for other girls or guys" I squinted my eyes trying to threaten him with my fingers pointing at his face.

"10 years.. It has been 10 years, Shu Yi. I'd be stupid to throw what we have now after 10 years of waiting, dont you think" He ruffled my hair and flashed me a sad yet content smile.

Two days later, he peck my lips and said "Zhou Shu Yi, my Shu Yi, I'll be back. Wait for me will you." I saw him waved me goodbye before his back completely fell out of sight at the airport.

And thats the last of him I saw.

Present.

Buzz buzz

My phone has been receiving nonstop notifications of my friends messages. I ignored them, knowing fully what those texts were saying.
I won an in campus singing competition again this year, not to mention the Masters degree I now hold since last year. Ultrafast Laser Generation for Photonic Applications.
I strayed so far from my bachelor's topic. To be exact, I picked up what and where he left.  I am chasing somebody else's dream..but for what exactly, god knows.

I should be happy but happiness was the opposite of what I'm feeling right now. Deep down, I wish there would be a person, a certain someone to come and claim his victory over mine, like he always did before.

"I need to always be in the first place, so that your attention will always be on me".
"You will never win against me as long as I'm here" he added.

He won alright. I cursed him in my mind.
You won even if you're not here, you bastard.
I gazed at the large window facing the city night lights of Taipei. I hugged my knees close to my chest as I sob the night away asking myself of how much of this suffering i'm gonna go through for my heart to be just okay. How much?

Like any other day, i woke up to the sound of my blaring alarm.
Urgh, i slept on the floor by my couch, again. This can't be good for my back, i thought to myself, looking at the unused bed, not since he left.
I shook my head, bringing myself up to freshen up. Right, I have an appointment with my supervisor to discuss of my PhD research collaboration with Tokyo City University. My Prof thought it would be great for me to conduct my research in my birth country, i guess.
Putting on a simple black shirt with a skinny jeans paired with a blue sneakers, I made my way to the campus.

I dread and at the same time found solace in every bus ride I took. The smell of oil, the knocking sound of the bus's old engine and the chitter-chatter of people, somehow made me feel less lonely despite the constant lingering of someone's presence. Its not raining today, but my eyes just dont get that. My tears, they dropped anyway. I clutched my heart, assuring myself that everything will get better. They will, I will..