The Girl In The Dirty Shirt Noel Version

Chapter 111

***
May 24, 1996

I went to the doctor with a question on my mind the other night, but when I asked he said “Girl, you’d better go and find someone else. I’m not a specialist of that kind.”

And when the doctor couldn’t help I went to the mechanic and said “I’m broken inside.”
But he said “M’am I guess I don’t understand. I’m only a man. I make machines work when I can.” When I can

Then up stepped the scientist, said “Let me try at this. I specialize in answering questions when no one can explain.”

So I sighed and asked him “Why do I feel this way?”

He said “Emotions are just chemicals in your brain, and chemical’s decay after a moment in a test tray. And everything has a brief moment when it flourishes before it starts to die - It’s called a half-life. Now if you squint very carefully with your eye you’ll see the process by which everybody tries to survive. But the rules of science are swift and true, and nobody can undo them as hard as they try.” As hard as they try

And the isotopes under the microscope
Taught me everything I’ll ever need to know
Except how to let go

There’s a butterfly with it’s wing torn off crawling ‘round in the dirt
Through the greenhouse of my thoughts
And when the little girl cries to see it that way
Her momma says “Butterflies only live two weeks anyway.”
Her half-life came five days ago
While she was in the sun making love by the window
For all we know... For all we know
She might have been destined to die alone

There’s a sullen girl in a world apart
Writing poems with a pencil on the white walls in the dark
She says “I know my weapon’s just a harmless tool.”
But still the brilliant fool who bound the tree to the charcoal
Never knew what it would do
Her half-life came about an hour ago
While she was on her knees saying prayers to the radio
But the song she wanted to hear did not exist
And with her angry fists she couldn’t write the words to make it whole

Half-life, what a lovely decay of words
And all the doctors enter the room with their pills and their cures
But nature takes what nature wants to keep
For all we know... For all we know tonight I might just sleep

***

He wasn't kidding, the next month Noel didn't leave my side.

He tried like hell to teach...or reteach me the difference between binging and just eating.

Everything was too much, he made us sandwiches for lunch and even half was too much for me to eat.

I know he was frustrated but I couldn't help it.

We went out with everyone and it was honestly the worst night of my life.

I binged...errr...ate.

It was easier than I thought, Noel made it easier; being with Noel made it easier to eat like a normal person.

It was Friday and his birthday was on Wednesday and there was only one thing I could think to do to repay him for everything he'd done for me the past month.

He was gone for the next twenty minutes and this was the only chance I'd get to plan anything to surprise him.

**

I heard the front door just as I was wrapping up a call.

"Lyla, love?"

"....Great, thanks so much"

Noel came into the bedroom and I smiled hanging up the phone.

"Hi sweetie" I smiled