The Girl In The Dirty Shirt Noel Version

Chapter 127

A few days after Marcus told us the trial date, almost two weeks since Nathan had been arrested; we went back to the house. We pulled up in front and my heart was tight in my chest.

It almost looked like nothing had changed, like nothing had happened, it looked the same on the outside; like if I opened the front door, mom would be on the other side with a smile and a warm hug.

I was glad Sally wasn't here; I could barely handle this myself.

"Noel, I can't do this" I whispered as we pulled in the driveway. I looked at him scared. "I can't go in there"

"He's not in there Ly, not this time"

I shook my head staring out the windshield "No, I know that, but I..."

I swallowed hard, I had to suck it up; no one else was going to do this; I had to.

I climbed out of the car and Noel followed behind me up the stairs.
I got as far as putting my hand on the doorknob before I froze.

I jumped a little when I felt Noel behind me, his hand closed over mine on the knob and he moved my hand, turning it slowly before pushing the door open gently.

I had my eyes closed, I was afraid to see what was in front of me.
Noel nudged me forward gently before I heard the door close behind me.
I could still feel him there...right behind me.

"Noel?" I asked quietly as I reached behind me and I felt him take my hand.

I stood rooted to that spot and I felt Noel squeeze my hand gently as he leaned closer to my ear.

"Open your eyes, love; I'm right 'ere, you're not alone"

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting to see the broken picture frames and the glass and the half made lunch in the kitchen, but it was all gone.

The kitchen was clean and the walls were bare.

"Mam came with Our Kid an' Nicole the day after an' cleaned what they could" Noel said quietly behind me, answering my silent questions.

"What about the-"

"It's gone too"

"I...I still can't go up there..." I whispered choking back tears.

"We'll go t'gether" he said holding my shoulders as he steered me towards the stairs.

I stood at the bottom and I couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't...

I looked up to the top of the stairs and I could see it...the ghost of my mom that day, in a pair of jeans and the top Sally had gotten her for Christmas last year,  literally running for her life.
That phone call echoing in my head, her terrified screams, Sally's muffled sobs from under the bed, the last words she'd said were a lie.

She's not here, she's in Australia!

She had lied to protect me.

I squeezed Noel's hand, suddenly feeling very sick.
I started to cry, sinking to my knees on the stairs.
Noel turned me around to sit properly before he sat next to me.

"It's all my fault" I sobbed looking at Noel "She's dead because of me!"

"No Lyla, it's not your fault, he's fuckin' mental, it's his fault, he did this..."

"Because of me!"

"Lyla..."

"It's true Noel and I just have to learn to deal with that!" I yelled crying so hard I couldn't breathe.