Seeking Escape

3. Time to Be Brave

*** Joyce's POV ***

"Well, Dale. I'm glad that we were able to get you reenrolled into your classes." I told the student who had come into our office on the verge of a breakdown. He had financial aid issues and had been unenrolled from all of his classes. Within an hour, I had secured him assistance, reenrolled him, AND suggested a student organization that he would absolutely love given his interest in D&D.

He thanked me profusely and went to hug me, but I put a real quick end to that. First of all, student. Second of all, boundaries. I was not okay with other people touching me. I gave him a fist bump instead.

My chat dinged with a new message and I saw it was my co-worker, Neil. Neil was a librarian. We met when I was a student here, and we became friends only after I started working here. I mean, technically I was still a student, but now I was a grad student so it didn't feel as weird to have lunch with a librarian.

It actually was a nice boundary keeper because I'm pretty sure that Neil wanted to be more than friends. And even though my therapist thought I was at that point, I didn't think so. At least not with Neil.

Neil: Lunch?

My stomach gurgled in response.

Joyce: Thai?

Neil: Brewpub?

I sighed. Neil always wanted to go to the brewpub. He wasn't an adventurous eater. I had to save Thai for Kay. Kay was also a friend, but she was a lecturer in nursing. Kay and I met under unusual circumstances. She was a student nurse when I was brought in six years ago. It was actually why she sought out certification after she got her BSN to be SANE certified, a sexual assault nurse examiner.

We probably shouldn't have become friends, but she honestly kept me from drifting into a dark place at the time. It was at her urging that I listened to my therapist and moved onto sex therapy. And she might have been the little devil on my shoulder encouraging me to try to find porn when I mentioned that the therapist's pictures and videos were sterile.

Joyce: Yeah, that's fine.

So when lunchtime rolled around Neil popped by in the exterior office. The admin knocked on my door and poked her head into my personal office. "Captain Book Brigade is here again."

She called him that because before we started hanging out casually, Neil would make every attempt to visit me. He would deliver books personally, even though his office employed students for that purpose. His excuse was that he wanted to get out of the office, but he became transparent when he wouldn't deliver everyone's books, just mine, and even things he thought I would like that I didn't request.

Neil didn't know my history, but he likely gleaned some things from my behavior. He knew that in the time that we had known each other I never once had a boyfriend. He knew that I didn't go out and party like the typical 20-somethings. He knew that I didn't like being out alone after dark and that I didn't accept rides from anyone, especially after dark.

Neil was safe, though. He provided space for me to feel supported and comfortable in my coping mechanisms. When he had come up in session, my sex therapist asked if I could see myself eventually advancing my relationship with Neil. I didn't answer right away. While Neil made me feel safe, I wasn't particularly attracted to him.

"No, I think we're better as friends." I stated. We then talked about other ways that I could transition into casual dating, but everything terrified me.