My Not So Secret Diary!

Pet Peeves

There are many frustrating, everyday misunderstandings or misconceptions around gender and sexuality that, for  people, indicate the number of remaining barriers to true equality.

The nine biggest "queer pet peeves."

1. "One of my biggest queer pet peeves is how artists, musicians or others in the public eye are automatically labeled with their sexuality or gender identity first, and their talent or profession second. Saying things like, 'lesbian singer-songwriter,' 'bisexual soccer star' or 'transgender CEO' is often out of context, unnecessary and damaging."

2. "What comes to mind is being hassled by my straight friends because so many of my best friends are my ex-girlfriends. They don't get it, and I remember being insecure about it for a long time until my therapist told me she thinks it's one of the most beautiful things about the queer community. So many of us have lost so much family that when we find our chosen family, we aren't willing to let go."

3. "I think my biggest pet peeve is when straight women tell me it's such a . A waste is reheated french fries, not that I'm attracted to other men."

4. "My pet peeve is the term 'coming out.' I find it an inaccurate way to describe such a personal experience — being honest about who you are isn't about something external. To put it another way, it's a matter of prism: It's only 'out' to you [the person someone's coming out to]. This is my life; I live it. We only 'come out,' so to speak, to let people in.

5. "My biggest queer pet peeve is the idea that kids would need to be protected from knowing that queer people exist. We are not a corrupting influence; we are parents and teachers and siblings and friends. Also, queer adults were once queer kids. Little queer kids exist and they deserve to know there are other people out there just like them, all grown-up and living their positive possible future."

6. "As a queer person with a disability, my biggest pet peeve is a lack of accessibility in queer spaces. There are so many places where queer people go to be themselves and express their sexuality that I, in my 300-pound wheelchair, do not have access to. And then, if I do manage to find a club that is accessible, I have to overcome the attitudinal barriers of people not seeing me as sexually viable. They don't really consider me an option. They think I'm invisible, and they don't see all the delectable flavors within disability."

7. "My biggest *~Queer Pet Peeve~* is definitely people within the community disrespecting someone else's identity. Ignorant phrases like 'bi now, gay later' are detrimental to the community at large. You're not only discounting someone's experience and contributing to a negative dialogue, but you're letting everyone around know that you are not a person with which they can be totally open."

8. "The misperception that all LGBTQ people are wealthy, white and live in cities."

9. "When straight people attempt to demonstrate how down they are with LGBTQ folks by doing the following:

1. Responding to you saying that you are [any identity besides 'straight'] with something like, 'Who needs labels anyhow, right?' or, 'Isn't all sexuality fluid, really?' Yes, it's absolutely true that many LGBTQ folks are sexually fluid or dislike labels — but not all of them. Many LGBTQ people have non-fluid sexual orientations and labels they really like. Being down with sexual fluidity or label-free identities doesn't crown you more evolved or 'with it.' It just makes you a person who is aware of sexual fluidity and label-free identities.

2. Responding to a celebrity coming out with something like, 'Who cares? Why does it matter?' Um, we care and it matters to us! It's so disrespectful of how difficult coming out and living openly can be for so many LGBTQ people, and how desperately we need visibility and role models."

My personal biggest lgbtq+/queer pet peeve: Mine is that when there is someone else that is in the lgbtq+ community who's sexuality makes it so you can date them(if you are also lgbtq+ obviously), everyone starts telling you that you should date them. If I saw a random straight guy at school and I told my straight friend that she should date him cause he's straight she would tell me that she doesn't like him. Well guess what! I don't like every lgbtq+ person that I could potentially date! Wow what a shocker. I'm just like everyone that's straight when it comes to dating.

Question: What is you biggest queer/LGBTQ+ pet peeves? Do you have the same one as me or one of the nine others above?

Lgbtq+ comment challenge: I've decided to start a lgbtq+ comment challenge! See the top of the page for all the questions in order.

Day 1: Name, Sexuality, and Gender

My answer: Elodie Solace, Omnisexual, Cis Female