dear diary

chapter 20

Chases POV

From the second Delaney sent that text, and through the three weeks she's been gone, my mind has been a complete shit show.

I had figured everything was fine, and that she'd be back in a few days, and then she wasn't. She wouldn't answer any of my questions, and my mind got away from me.

I thought she had gotten hurt, or something with her mother went down and she was forced to leave. I had no choice but to constantly think about why the fuck she left so abruptly, because all of my questions were left unanswered.

It was wrong of me to stop answering her, I know that, but she wasn't answering me, not really. She brushed off every comment, every question and it started to piss me off.

I decided it was better not to talk to her, if we weren't going to talk about what was important. It wasn't easy, because I had gotten used to her being around, but I dealt with it and gave up.

I shouldn't have given up, and that's clear now that she told me she'd called when she had a nightmare, and I didn't answer. I was so caught up in my stupid plan to ignore her that I had missed an opportunity to help her.

When I saw her in the car yesterday- I swore it was my mind playing another fucking game on me, and that she wasn't there. The look in her eyes when she saw Emily made me feel like absolute shit, because to be honest if I had seen her with a guy I would've been livid.

We aren't an item, I've made that clear, but the idea of her being with someone else still bothers me. I haven't been with anyone since she's shown up here, and that's saying something.

I don't know if it's because of her, I've been telling myself that it isn't, but I'm starting to believe the opposite.

Aside from wanting to be near her to talk to her, while she's been gone I've been wanting to be near her in all ways possible.

I think that's another reason I cut her off, the way I felt when she left scared me, and how I felt while she was gone scared me even more.

I don't do attachment- I haven't in so long- yet for some reason I feel attached to her.

Maybe it's because of everything she's told me, and the fact that I've opened up to her a fair amount. Or, maybe it's the fact that kissing her was incomparable to any other kiss I've ever had.

Both of them are unfamiliar, and I was a coward to ignore how she was feeling when I made the decision to stop answering her.

I had made her promise to keep in touch, and then I go and cut her off. Why the fuck didn't she tell me to piss off? I would've.

Now, I'm getting ready to go to her house for this project. Is it selfish of me to make her talk?

I just want to know why she left, what's been going on. If she doesn't want to tell me, so be it. I felt as if we were at the point where honesty was okay, and easy, but now I think it's me who fucked it up.

Some people may call it ridiculous how much I actually missed her- but it's those people who don't understand. She's been the first person in a long time who I feel comfortable talking to, and I'm the same for her. I just hope I still am.