dear diary

chapter 23

Another week flew by without warning, sending us straight into the climax of the holiday season.

There's a week until Christmas, and then it's a new year. I'm sort of looking forward to new years, because I'm extremely glad to be leaving this year behind.

While I know that everything that has happened to me isn't going to disappear with the new year, and it may even happen again, I'm still using it as an opportunity to change my attitude.

I'm no longer going to kill myself over the little things, and I won't allow myself to be influenced by those around me any longer.

I'm done letting my mother, and people like Mackenzie, throw me around. If I want to stay here, I need to be stronger.

Chase has been at my house more than his own the past week, and it sort of feels like we're in the honeymoon phase of whatever our relationship is.

We've spent more time making out than we have breathing, and I'm starting to feel like his lips are the only pair I'll ever want to kiss.

I don't know what to call us, because I'm not sure if Chases stance on dating has changed, nor do I want to ask him.

I'd like to think we're exclusive at this point, but it hasn't really be set in stone by either of us that that's something we want.

How do I just bring that up to someone who's against being with the same girl more than once?

No one knows about us other than Blaire, and I haven't really told her much that's happened since our second kiss. I don't know why, but I sort of like having my own private thing with him.

I'm not sure what people would think, not that it matters, but I'm pretty sure every girl in school would dedicate their time to sending me hate letters and glares for taking him off the market.

I've always been skeptical of dating myself, not nearly as much as Chase, but I have. Although, spending so much time with him this past week has sort of made me reconsider some things.

Sure, I could be forced to leave tomorrow, and sure dating Chase is irresponsible. But I don't care, because being with him whether it's long term or not is worth any heartbreak of leaving.

I want to ask him where his head is, but I don't want to scare him away. If he isn't as invested as me, that's fine, I just want to know.

It feels like we talk about any and everything except for what's going on between us.

Like I said, I don't want to ask him, simply because I don't know how or what I'd even say. I'm sort of leaving the ball in his court, hoping he says or does something that helps me figure this out.

I feel my phone vibrate multiple times, and shut my textbook to pick it up.

besties

Matt: yo! dan is throwing a Christmas banger this weekend, y'all in?

Ethan: do you even have to ask?

Blaire: sure!

Chase: Yeah, but I'm not DDing. I need to let loose

Matt: every thing alright man?

Chase: Yeah, just been in the mood to party lately

Matt: welcome back dude, we missed party Chase

Me: party chase? should i even ask?

Ethan: no, definetly not. you're in for a treat though