Think Of Me ~ JJ Maybank ~ Outerbanks

2

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
After dropping everyone at the chateau, John B took Alex home. He was the only person who knew anything about what her parents were like and he hardly knew at all.
"I can come in with you?"
Brushing her hair out of her face, she shook her head.
"That'll make them more pissed."
"We could just go back to the chateau? You don't have to go in."
"John B, even crappy daughters need to go home at some point, I'm just a little-"
"Scared? Nervous? Terrified? And don't start the crappy daughter thing again, you try so hard for them."
She groaned, before sliding out of the Twinkie.
"Hey Alex?"
"Mhm?" Worry was clear on her face.
"Call me if you want me to pick you up, okay?"
"Yeah, see you later John B."
The sun was just starting to set, as John B pulled away from her road. He had made sure her parents wouldn't see him as to not make matters worse.
He knew she wouldn't be herself when she got back for a while. He groaned and hit the dash board.
Alex walked slowly, hoping her parents weren't in one of her moods. They were.
The evening was a blur, the next morning even worse.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"I know it'd get me into trouble, but oh my god, the pleasure of beating the shit out of you would be worth it."
"You need to shut your fucking mouth, before I get rid of you."
"Do you know how much we do for you? We clothe you, we feed you, we give you a roof over your head- some of your pogue friends don't even have that you ungreatful little bitch."
"Stop crying or ill give you something to cry about."
"Do you know how different- how much better our lives would be if you were dead?"
"You have no fucking respect for us, no fucking respect."
"If you want to act like a god damn animal, we'll treat you like it. See how much you like it then."
When they pushed her into her room, half her stuff was missing, the rest was broken, discarded over the floor. Her clothes were pulled out of her draws.
"Look at the fucking state of this. Do you really think you're going to survive living like this? You're disgusting, you're dirty, you're a disappointment."
"You disgust me."
Tears were welling in her eyes, she tried to blink them away, knowing they would only make things worse.
"Stop fucking crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
Her parents left her room, slamming the door shut behind them. Slowly, she sunk to the floor, covering her mouth. Alex's body shook with sobs.
She was hungry, she hadn't got a chance to eat since she was dropped off nearly a day ago, and noticed it was getting dark. The hurricane was getting worse, not helping with her headache.
The girl brought her forehead to her knees, squeezing her head in a failed attempt at making the pain go away. She slid under her bed, finding the loose floor board she had pried open with a knife, and pulled out the vodka bottle she kept there. She looked at the knife for a moment, willing herself not to do it.
Alexis couldn't help herself, it was like an addiction. When she was thirteen, and her parents started getting really bad, she knew there was something wrong with her. No matter what she did, she could never bring herself to be happy when she was alone. It got so bad she could hardly get out of bed, not even to shower or to eat. Her hair became matted, her bedroom was a mess, and she hardly moved. Her parents didn't care, as long as they weren't bothered by it.
She had heard other girls in her grade talking about hurting themselves when they were sad, and convinced herself that it wasn't that bad, or it wasn't real until she was cutting herself. So she tried it, because in her head that's what depressed people are meant to do right? And once Alex had started, she couldn't stop. The feeling was intoxicating, sick even, she didn't enjoy it, but she couldn't stop. So she cut, until blood was pooling on her thighs. And then once she was in the right headspace, she covered them up in shame, wearing t shirts in the sea, wearing beach covers and long shorts out. 
Choking back sobs, she reached out for the blade, and continued until the blood was dripping into the floor.
"Fuck."
Dropping the knife , Alex stashed it, before taking a swig of the vodka.
She screwed the lid on the bottle, before unscrewing it and pouring it on her thighs. It took all her effort not to scream in pain.
After packing a bag, she discarded her phone as to not be tracked, and climbed out her window, down the drain pipe.
The girl didn't have any shoes, but the pain didn't bother her anymore, not even when she stepped on the glass undoubtably discarded by kooks on pogue territory. Almost being knocked off her feet by the force of the wind, she stumbled her way over to the chateau. The normally twenty minute walk took her an hour in the state she was in. By the time she reached the bungalow, she was hysterical, and struggling to breathe.
"John?" Her voice was weak, almost silent, "John B?"

disclaimer: the way self harm has been described in this chapter will not describe how/why everyone who goes through this does it- it is only based on personal experiences so should not be used to invalidate your own/others experiences
Side note I'm roughly a year clean yay