A Glimpse Into My Mind

Conclusions

The park is eerie at night. The trees rustle a little too loud, the cold bites a little to hard. Noises are amplified, but not the ones that count; not the footsteps trailing behind you or the breath of another stranger. Only snaps of sticks under my feet and my heartbeat fill my ears.

The path is lit by lampposts, spread out almost too far, making some parts of the path almost pitch black, the shadows lurking, ready to take it over.

My feet hurry over the gravel, one hand clutching my keys between my fingers, the other holding onto my bag.

Anger is the only thing that keeps me moving through the park.

"What the hell?" I whisper to myself as I turn a corner toward the next stretch of path, finding Theo sitting on a bench, a bottle on his lips. "What the hell?" I say again, this time loud enough for him to hear. My legs bring me toward him, stopping a few feet away from the bench. A moment passes before Theo lifts his eyes to mine. A breath gets lodges in my throat when I see the tears in them.

"Nora," he says, my name coming out breathy. "I forgot."

"You forgot?" I scoff. "How could you forget? You pick me up every Monday!"

"I know, I'm sorry." The words are broken.

"Oh my God," I whisper, stepping back, every bad realization settling into my mind. "We're you with someone else? Another girl? Is that why you've been acting weird?"

The events of the past few days wash over me, the hidden phone calls, the cancel of plans, Theo avoiding me. I feel my heart sink as I wait for him to tell me I'm wrong.

"Oh my God, Theo," I choke, backing up. "You piece of shit."

"Nor," he whispers, standing up. He takes a step forward, reaching for me. My hands hit his chest, pushing him back. "You really think I would cheat on you?" His words aren't angry, just sad, like they've been.

"Why else would you be sitting here at ten, by yourself, when you were supposed to be with me? You've been avoiding me since Friday, leaving the room when your phone rings." Tears stream down my face now, my voice cracking.

"Fuck you, Theo," I cry, shoving into him again, hitting his chest. He doesn't say a word, only closing his eyes as I hit him, only making me angrier. My hands fall away as I stare at him.

"That's it then?" I say. "You won't even fight for me? Won't plead for me to forgive you, or even apologize? Did I mean that little to you?" His eyes stay closed as I push him again, making him stumble back.

"Fight, damnit!" I scream, tears clouding my vision as I hit his chest.

Only sobs escape me as I keep hitting him, anger pouring out of me.

"Nora," he says over my cries. "Nora, stop." His hands grasp my wrist, easily overpowering me. My eyes, blurred by tears, meet his, also spilling with tears. My heart shatters as I look at the boy I gave everything to. "I- I-" he struggles.

"What?" I plead, hating the vulnerability in my voice. "You didn't mean it? She didn't mean anything?"

"Nora," he sobs, the sound clutching at my heart. "My mom died," he whispers.

The words hit me like a bullet.

"What?" Everything around me, and inside me, stops; the tears, the rage, the hurt.

"She went into the hospital on Friday, and this evening, her heart stopped. I got the call when I was supposed to leave to get you."

I open my mouth to say something, but no words form. Theo's eyes remain on mine, his hold on my wrists slaking a little as I stop fighting.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I manage, every word tearing through me.

"I didn't want it to be real." The tears return to my eyes as I watch his face break, his body wracked with agony.

"Theo," I whisper, my hands freeing from his, just to hold onto his arms, keeping him upright as he sways.

"I don't know what to do."

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, pulling him to me. His body caves, wrapping around mine, as his head goes to the crook of my neck. I blink away my own tears as he cries into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

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