Moonage Daydream; Remus Lupin

After

Remus's POV

I ran down the stairs , tears where beginning to form  at the corners of my eyes. How could he do this to me? I trusted him. I stopped for a second sitting down on the stairway, I took a few deep breaths, leaning my head against the curve of the wall. I couldn't think straight, my face was warm and I had a knot in my stomach.

Everything hurt.Why did he do it? Is it because of our fight? Could you even call it a 'fight'? He knows just how much I like her.

So why did he do it. I quickly wiped my eyes when I heard foot steps descending from up the stairs, I was prepared to yell but as the noise grew closer I saw Elizabeth. "Hi", she smiled weakly at me, I returned the look. "Listen Remus I'm really sorry about what happened, it truly was a mistake." She said apologetically, sitting down next to me.

"Can you please not tell anyone? I really don't want to mess up what I have with all of you and everyone else, I just know it will be awkward if people found out. Besides I don't need anyone knowing I slept with Sirius that's just emb-" "Embarrassing." I interrupted her, "Yeah I know, I won't tell anyone." I tried not to look her in the eye, instead I messed with the cuff of my jeans.

She let out a weak laugh. "I'm really, really sorry." She buried her face in her hands. Why? You didn't do anything wrong, I asked myself. "It's okay.We all make mistakes." I reassured her, she sighed and brung her head up, resting it in her hands. God she's beautiful even when she's crying.

She reached over and put her arm around me, setting her head on my shoulder. "Don't be mad at Sirius. Please." I let out a sigh but didn't say anything. I wanted to tell her just how much it hurt me but I couldn't.

I really wanted to but I just couldn't. We stayed there for a little while longer before James and Peter came up. "Whatcha doin?" Peter slurred leaning against James, "Not much" Liz said, standing up, "I should probably get going, I'll see you guys later." She looked at me one last time before squeezing past James.

"Everything all right mate?" James asked as we walked up the stairs. "Yeah" was all I could say, all I wanted to say. James entered the room first, dropping Peter on his bed before going over to his own, Sirius was by the window, smoking. He looked nervous.

I got this urge to punch him, but instead I went to my bed, closing the curtains around me. After a few minutes the window shut, and the lights went off. I cast a silencing spell and began to cry again. As the tears rolled down my face my head began to spin. Was this my fault? Had he done it to make me hurt? Why did he want to hurt me? I drifted into unconscious, thinking about all the reasons why he might have done it.

******

I woke up with a throbbing headache, I threw on a loose dark drown sweater and and old pair of jeans and docs. I walked down to the common room, I didn't feel like reading so I just sat by the fire place. "Hi Remus" I heard Lily's soft voice say as she sat down next to me, "How are you?" "I'm good just a little tired" I lied, "How about you?" "I'm okay, kinda hungry. Do you wanna go to breakfast with me or wait for the others?"

She asked. "I'll go with you, no use waiting for everyone they're all too hungover." I laughed slightly getting up to my feet. We walked together to the great hall sitting near the end, I piled food on to my plate like usual but I really wasn't that hungry, so I just picked at it with my fork. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Lily asked, taking a bite of her toast. "Yeah i'm just not that hungry." She laughed, "That's hard to believe." I chuckled under my breath, bringing my eyes up to hers for a second, she smiled her sweet smile at me and went back to eating.

After breakfast we went to the library to study for a little while. "Can I burrow your notes on goblins?" "Sure." I said handing her a small paper, keeping my eyes on my book. "Thank god I found you guys" Mary sighed dropping her bag on the table a few minutes later, "You where looking for us?"

Lily asked, looking up at her. "Marlene and James are driving me mad, they won't stop talking about the game tonight" Mary said resting her head on her arms. "Oh yeah about that, do you want to match outfits? I can ask Liz if she wants to, I'm sure she won't mind."

Just the mention of her name made me sick. I tuned out the rest of the girls conversation until I heard Sirius's name. "What?" I asked bringing my eyes up. "I just asked Peter if he knew where Sirius was." Mary said, smiling at me. I looked around, seeing Peter standing on the right of Lily.

"Oh hi Pete, when did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago. You said hi to me when I came in."

"I did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh yeah, right. Uhm i'm gonna go for a walk, I'll see you guys later."

I received a mix of 'Ok' and 'See ya' from my friends. I walked for a little while before taking a seat on a bench in the courtyard. Not to long after Sirius came and sat down next to me. "What do you want." I asked, I had an angry tone in my voice.

"I just want to talk."

"About what"

"Last night"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on Moony"

"Don't call me that."

"Right. Sorry"

" Moon- Remus, what happened with Liz it was an accident. I know how much you like her and I'm sorry, I really am"

"You really hurt me"

"I know, I just- "

"Oh you knew? Than why'd you do it"

" I was drunk and high and I didn't mean for it to go that far, and Liz wanted too it wasn't just my decision."

"Oh so you're blaming her now? Sirius this is your fault. You know how much I like her and I don't care if you where 'drunk' or 'high' you still did it and you can't take that back."

"I'm not blaming her, it's just you're acting like I was the only one who wanted to-"

"Please don't- don't finish your sentence. Sirius I thought you where my friend, you where supposed to be my friend."

"How many times do I have to say i'm sorry!?! Christ Moony You're acting like a child. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you fucking kidding me Sirius!? Do you really think you didn't do anything wrong?!"

"Yes! I know I didn't do anything wrong! You're just crazy!"

"I'm the crazy one!? You slept with the only girl I've ever- that I- Ugh! You know what I'm trying to say! And now you are acting as if it wasn't even a big deal!"

"Bloody hell Remus I thought the full moon wasn't till next week."

"Excuse me?"

"I- I didn't mean it like that."

"No, I know exactly how you meant it"

I shoved past him, walking quickly back into the castle. My vision began to blur and I ran into the first bathroom I saw. I leaned into the sink pressing my hands down against it. "What's wrong with you? Loony Lupin."

A sour voice spat form behind me, I spun around quickly to face Barty crouch. "Fuck off crouch." I said, still facing him. "Are you crying?" He laughed.

"Fuck off." I spat at him. "Or what? You'll bite me." I looked him dead in the eyes, how could he know? "Shit. It's true. Ya know I wasn't sure at first but it makes sense.

Care home yob, poor, half breed. And you've all those ugly scar-" I put both my hands on his shoulders, shoving him to the ground. I kept swinging at him, my hands quickly covered in blood, he pleaded for me to stop, but I couldn't. I had so much rage built up I couldn't hear McGonagall yelling at me, and I could just barley feel James and Peter trying to pull me off of him.