Moonage Daydream; Remus Lupin

Feelings

*Short chapter*
Also I lied in the *Note* it's not that spicy just the beginning :(

"We- we can't keep doing this." He said drawing in a quick breath, I continued kissing him, down his neck, across his chest and finally his v-line. "Why not?" I asked looking up at him, now on my knees. "Because you're my best mates brother, it's wrong."

     He said, he wasn't looking at me, his head was tilted up and his eyes where wandering around the ceiling of the astronomy tower.  "I don't see how that's a problem. Sirius doesn't need to know about everything you do." I voiced back, unbuckling his belt and sliding off his trousers. We didn't talk, after everything was over.

      He went back to his dorm to pretend like nothing happened, like everything was normal. And I went back to mine to lay in bed all night, staring up into the darkness and thinking about him, his deep curly brown hair, the way is his lips felt against mine. Why did everything have to be so complicated. Why couldn't we just be together, I mean really be together. I know he's only using me because he can't have Lily but I've never felt this way about anyone before, another boy much less.

       Obviously I'm not going to tell Sirius, I think he'd hate me forever if he knew, well even more than he does now. But I think it would be a lot easier if I could tell someone I mean anyone really, then again I don't think too many people would particularly approve of me being a 'knob gobbler'. Why is it so hard, feeling these things? Being in love? I thought it was supposed to be easy, and exciting .

     Maybe that only happens when the other loves you back. Even if James did love me I probably wouldn't be able to tell. It's not like I've ever "seen" love before, I couldn't look at my parents for that, they where never in love. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. And I couldn't look at Cissy and Malfoy, their "love" was forced, like Bella and Lestrange's.

     Maybe Andy and Ted where a good example of what love was but I wouldn't know.  And  love between friends was different, I saw the way Sirius and his friends acted towards eachother, it was warm and comforting. And the way he acted towards his lovers was still warm but more lustful, I guess you would have to experience heartbreak to know true love. But I have felt heartbreak before, with my parents, with my friends, with my own brother even. But that was different too, heartbreak between people who weren't lovers. So how am I supposed to know what love is like, platonic or not if I've never truly felt either one?