Hiraeth (Reader x Spencer Reid)

#30

"Lip gloss." You whispered.

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You briefly explained what Spencer was to do. You walked away, you went downstairs to see all the women and make sure everything was alright. You went to the last three groups the ones that you were most worried about, you struck conversations with as many as possible. It was astounding how many of them could laugh and be happy about where they are today and forget about where they were a few days ago. 

You finished conversations and visited the other groups before returning upstairs. You were happy. Were you though? Yes, you were back you had your soulmate upstairs and your friends, you saved over 10,000 people. You've been going through serious PTSD ever since yesterday. You didn't plan on telling anyone. You needed to finish this. You went to the bathroom by the BAU, you locked the door. 

You put your hands on the counter, you looked into the mirror trying to calm yourself. You noticed your shaking you felt sick. You puked and the memories flowing through your brain. You fell to the ground squeezing yourself trying to stop the shaking. You kept crying. You got up and looked in the mirror, you counted down from 100 and pointed out things around you. This was a panic attack. You felt scared you weren't there anymore stop just stop. But it wasn't that easy. 

After awhile you calmed yourself down, you fixed yourself in an effort to look normal. You took a few more deep breaths then walked out of the bathroom into the bullpen. You went around and grabbed all the files that everyone had been working on, you had more than 200. You put them in a conference room. You left every 20 files to interview another woman. You agreed with almost every case there was 4 you read that you didn't agree with their decision. You had brought all the files you looked over to Pen and asked her to put into her database where each woman was meant to go. 

The four you had read were about women who didn't feel safe going back home. You took the elevator back to the BAU you swung the glass doors open and rushed into the bullpen you stormed into Hotch's office. You slammed the files on his desk. "What the hell Hotch? Explain to me why you are sending these four women home if they don't feel safe going back home?" You yelled. 

"Y/n please calm down."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down? These women have been through hell and back and you plan on sending them home like nothing happened? Explain it, go on." You lowered your voice a little. 

"Agent, these women don't feel safe because of the trama not because of the people they are returning to." 

"Hotchner, You have to be kidding me right? Then what makes more sense, therapy or time in a hospital until they are personally ready to return or sending them back and hoping for the best? I prefer Doctor, I worked 8 years to earn that title and only 3 to be agent." 

"Y/l/n?" 

You scoffed and stormed out of his office. You weren't taking this shit. You went back to the room you were working in and slammed the door. You closed the blinds and turned off the lights. You took multiple deep breaths to avoid the rage bubbling inside. You paced trying to focus and calm down.

The door opened, you jumped and looked to see who it was. Spencer. He walked in and turned on the light, closing the door behind him. He walked over to you. You threw your arms around him and rested your head on his shoulder. You gave in, you can be vulnerable around Spencer. He squeezed you back holding you. "It's ok baby, I'm here, Your alright." He told you kissing the top of your head. You pulled away from the hug we cupped your face so he could look into your eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. 

He cleared the tears off your cheeks. He kissed your forehead after you didn't respond. He just held you while you cried. You started to stop crying, you looked at his eyes again, you kissed him. He kissed you back. He pulled away he had concern all over his face. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked.