Hiraeth (Reader x Spencer Reid)

#35

(Make sure you look a the image above. I cried writing this so enjoy babes) 

Analysing behaviour can only get you so far with Spencer Reid. 

~~~

'Youth' by daughter started to play you turned it up and rolled the windows down, the goosebumps you got just making you feel alive. You felt weightless. You felt like how you always feel in the prescense of Spencer, safe, happy, and free. You felt free, a feeling you thought you would never see again when you sat in that uncomfortable weird chair in that small dark room. You saw yourself in that room with that one light above you illuminating against the room, and now you see yourself now. Planning a future with your soulmate. 

Love, a feeling you thought was made for the main character's of the world, a feeling not meant for regular people. Spence grabbed your hand and held it in his. The bright beam of light from the sunset flashing over his eyes. He seemed happy which made you happy. You almost started to tear up from the great beautiful thing that you have. The song blasting in your ears, the world feeling like it was in slow motion. You inhaled breathing in the unexplainable smell of nature and exhaling the world you felt so barricaded by. 

You watched the empty fields you passed, you thought about the bugs for some reason. They were these little creatures just crawling and living their short lives and you can't even see them. You know what they feel like, to be a bug in a corn maze, no one ever stops to think about you or that you even exist. 

How? How can you feel so alone, and so loved at the same time? How can you go from thinking about how happy and fortunate you are to thinking about everything you have gone through, every mishap in your life. If you asked someone they would probably say the most unhelpful of all answers, 'It's life' you thought about it and yeah they're right, but it's awful to think about. 

You got so deep into your thoughts you barely noticed Spencer rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You noticed the car slowing down. The unexcapable wind that was thrashing against your face just moments ago starting to vanish. You started to roll up the window, "No' you looked at Spence who looked nervous, oh shit. 'Leave them down." He said. You nodded with a smile trying to ease his nerves. 

You knew exactly what he was doing he was so nervous. He grabbed your phone the source of the music and turned on 'Roslyn.' You smiled. He jumped out of the car and ran over to your side. He opened the door. He left the door open. You looked around a flower field. You unbuckled your seatbelt. He reached his hands out in front of you and you placed both yours in his. You let your feet fall out of the car and guide you. 

The crisp cold dry air hitting you like a bus. The song blasting in the background he walked you over somewhere he had a basket in his hands, the same one he did on that date he took you on. The one on the roof of an abandoned building, during sun rise. You looked around he laid a blanket on the ground. You sat on it and he did the same. "So romantic Dr. Reid." 

He smiled and sat next to you. He was biting his lip a little. You reached your hand up and pulled his lip out from between his teeth, his bottom lip fell slightly open. You thought about yesterday when he did the same for you, it made you smile. You leaned into him placing a chaste kiss upon his lips. He kissed you back and you pulled away, he smiled. He looked so content, and way less nervous. "I love you y/n." He said. You smiled. 

"I love you Spencer." You responded. He smiled. 

"No, I don't think you get it. Y/n you drive me insane, I love you so much,' he stood up pulling you with him. He held onto your waist and looked you directly in the eyes. 'You are so amazing, you're so smart, and so beautiful, and kind, and funny. Y/n when I say I don't know how I got so lucky, I truly mean it, you are all I ever think about. 'He kneeled down, your mouth flew open your eyes started to water. 'You're all I ever want to think about. You make me a better person, I have no idea what I would do without you. I couldn't breath in a world where you aren't breathing next to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Y/n  y/m/n  y/l/n will you marry me?" He pulled out the geode box with the ring inside. You struggled to breath. Shit y/n inhale exhale. Jesus Christ breath. Your breathing was heavy you were sobbing. 

"Yes Spencer Walter Reid, I want.... to marry you." You said. He put the ring on your finger. You wrapped your arms around his neck, he cupped your face. He smashed his lips against yours. You could taste your tears. You kissed him back inviting his tongue to be with yours, your tongues twisted together. He put his arms now at your waist sliding them down he grabbed the back of your thighs. You jumped into his embrace, you wrapped yourself around him. He spun still kissing you. You laughed, he placed you back on the ground. You got lost in his eyes. His gorgeous eyes, that held such a beautiful soul behind them. 

He moved his hands to your stomach tickling you, until you fell to the ground laughing. You felt safe and happy. 

Love.
Loneliness.

Two things that go hand and hand. You felt safe weightless and at home with the love of your life, but you also felt lonely. How? You now have the answer, everyone feels lonely, but who is actually alone? You have Spencer so you aren't alone, you just feel alone. You love him but you are battling things alone, that he wouldn't ever know about. Things he didn't need to know about. 

You are just a crazy in love, lonely bug in a world of corn fields. 

A/N

So... I know the writing styles are completely different I don't understand it either lol. Do you guys like this writing style or my other one more? I hope you got the right kind of image painted for this proposal, I thought add some more hopeless romantic in it. I love you all, and just to let you all know you aren't alone, I'm here if you need help in this battle. I can help. I love you all and you are not alone, even though you may feel lonely. <3