Hiraeth (Reader x Spencer Reid)

#42

(Did I spend 7 hours on this instead of reading my book for school....mmm yeah. Please comment and vote thank you <3) 

Your POV: 

"Up till now Cat has worked solo....." Emily went on to discuss this case. You couldn't focus. Pen sat next to you. You pretended you were paying attention. The conversation slowly died down. You wanted to know what was happening. You wanted him to be there. You haven't seen him in 3 months. 3 fucking months you spent alone, he messed shit up for you with one stupid decision, to lie to you. You wanted to talk to him, figure this out. 

You loved him more than anything and this was slowly killing you. Not literally of course. Pen got up and left, Em slowly after. You couldn't take it, you got up and walked to a conference room. You know that feeling like a boulder is on your chest, like you could break at any moment, that's how you felt. Your breathing staggered, you started crying without even knowing it. It took you a moment to realise this was a panic attack, and not a small one. You sat down, you tried to catch your breath, you did. You pointed out things to yourself, you made a shopping list in your head, you counted from 1 million. You tried, and you couldn't fucking do it. 

This feeling of the person you love and would literally kill yourself for, slightly feeling any kind of hatred toward you killed you. Tara came in, you were so focused on trying not to pass out because this one was that bad, you didn't notice her. "Y/n, come one. Breath with me." You shook your head. She got what you were saying. 

She looked around. "Uh.... Y/n what do you think inanimate objects would say if they could speak?" She asked, you couldn't but together a coherent sentence. 

"I uh....am.... don't- know." You said. She nodded. 

"That remote in the round table room, I bet it would say something like, 'ughh, this again.' 'eww what the fuck is that' 'god I'm glad I'm not that prostitute in the alley." Her impressions making you laugh. "Or, the clock 'this is so tiring, nobody's looking what if I just- oh great thanks for looking jessica." She said. She grabbed your hands and breathed with you. You started to calm down. "There you go, now what's wrong?" She asked. 

"Spencer, I'm pretty sure he saw the bump, and now he's pissed that I didn't tell him..... I just got him back how can he already hate me?" You started to silently ball. 

"Oh y/n that man does not hate you, he loves you. He's not pissed consider it he is shocked and he doesn't know how to express that in the correct way. Put yourself in his shoes. If you came back from prison and he was pregnant how would you feel?" She said. 

"First I would be a little confused, but I don't know.... Oh god, what if he thinks I cheated?" The thought never crossed your mind. 

"He probably doesn't think that. Come on let's go get you some water." You nodded standing up, you had a sharp pain in your stomach. It wasn't a cramp, no it almost felt like one. Your hand was drawn to your bump and you wined at the pain. "Nevermind, sit. Let me go get a doctor."

Shit, did you just lo- no don't even consider it. No, imagine how mad he would be about that. You couldn't you called JJ. 

"Y/n right now isn't best time." 

"JJ I think I'm miscarrying." 

"What? Where are you?" 

"I'm in a conference room, I just had a panic attack and....JJ I can't loose these babies it would crush Spencer." 

"Honey, stop worrying about Spencer, you need to calm down. I'm gonna hang up and call Garcia, Ok?" 

"Yeah, thank you JJ."