Maybe is a Loser's word ~ Benny Watts Fanfic

Chapter 8 ~ 1967 ~ Pink Kimono

It's crazy how fast time flies. Its been a year since I first played Beth Harmon in Vegas.

I just competed in the US championship and lost.

I lost to Beth.

The red headed girl that I played last year had been determined to beat me after losing at the US open. She played fiercely, attacking me like predator on prey. I have to admit, she had improved to much since I first played her. The evening before the game, we played speed chess in the cafeteria; it was probably the most fun I've had in quite a long time.

She was very determined again, but obviously she still wasn't as good as me because I play speed chess all the time. It was nice to see her smile though; a grin appeared on her face every time she thought she was beating me. She was so beautiful, unbelievably beautiful even. While we were playing in the final, I kept on finding myself staring at her soft skin and round Hazel eyes.

Later on we got a drink at the bar together; laughing and talking all night. This was the first proper conversation we had ever had. She told me about how she lost her adoptive mother not long after Vegas, and how she had been tutored by Harry Beltik. I sat and listened to her finally open up about her life. When we were sitting there I noticed she was quite a heavy drinker, so I told her she should stop. She ignored me and ordered another beer, even though I was still on my first.

Then something crazy happened. She reached over and touched my hair to brush it out of my eyes. Was she flirting with me? She told me that she liked my hair. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach . However, I couldnt tell if she was drunk, so I brushed off the comment with something snarky but confident.

I liked it when she touched my hair. I wanted her to do it again, but I couldn't ever tell her that. I wanted to flirt back but I didn't let myself. I had to be professional and cool. I couldnt let my feelings get in the way.

I asked her to come back to New York with me so I could tutor her before Paris. I was expecting her to turn me down, but she accepted my invitation. I told her that we were leaving the next morning.

But then I said something stupid.

"and about sex...Forget about it". How idiotic.

I only said it because I want to protect her. I don't want to end up just sleeping with her and moving on like I normally do, and all because I'm scared of real feelings.

She is different. I'm not scared to make a connection, I'm scared that I won't be able to move on when I realise that she is too good for me. Refusing sex was a dumb move, but at least it stops her idea of me being a master playboy.

Shocked; She just stared back at me, utterly confused from what I just said. I bet she hasn't been turned down before. Then I left back to my room in the dorm. Kicking myself with embarrasment. I can't believe I said that.

And now we're here. Sitting in my car driving to New York.

For the past few hours, we have been playing chess in our heads and chatting. "So what about you? Do you speak to your parents?" Beth asks me.
"I don't like thinking back to my childhood." I say, pausing "With everything piled on top of each other... my Moms drinking addiction, Dad leaving me with her, and my brother Sebastian ditching me too, I just don't like to remember a time when I wasnt free to do whatever the fuck I wanted" I reply; finding myself open up to her more and more. I have never really opened up to anyone this much, so I guess it really shows how much I am starting to trust Beth.