12. Taste of Control

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It's approaching three weeks since Lexi Dunn died at the hands of Ryan Klein.

Although it only feels like a short while ago, you feel good. Good in the sense that you no longer feel overwhelming guilt. You no longer have that horrible memory flooding your brain.

And really, you can't say it is because you overcame it. You can't say it's because you faced your feelings, that you came to realize this all by yourself. Because if you said that, you would be lying.

It's Spencer who helped you.

After he made you sit with him that morning, you two talked. Genuinely talked, no bullshit, just the truth. You expressed how you truly felt, about the guilt that was weighing on you. And through your tears, you listened to him tell you stories of a time where he felt those same feelings.

Spencer was able to tell you more stories about the people he saved. The victims that made it out alive, because of him, because of the team. And the happiness he felt at the end of those days, knowing the team was able to make the world a little bit better of a place.

From all of that, he helped you. Knowing he was there to listen was enough in itself, but he did more than that. Obviously, or else you wouldn't be so okay right now.

Your job at the BAU will never be easy, but Spencer continues to help you find ways to make it better. There's ways to get past the tragedies and save people. And in less than three weeks after witnessing that tragedy, you were able to see that glimmer of happiness when you and the team saved people. It shined as those victims over the past weeks came into your grasp, overwhelmingly thankful for saving them.

. . .

It's Sunday evening and you are left alone with your thoughts. But this time, they aren't bad.

Well, they aren't bad in a sad sense, they're just bad in their nature. They're intense. More so what you're thinking about... And it all involves Spencer.

To be fair, you have a reason to feel this way. It's been exactly three weeks since you two last had sex. Yes, I kept track.

The only reason you haven't is because a couple of days after Rossi's, the case happened. From there, you two haven't made any moves to do anything.

Spencer let you know after you two talked that he thought it was best if you held off for a little—for your sake. He just didn't want you to feel pressured into having sex when you were in a bad state of mind.

Which was silly to think, because you never have and never will feel pressured into anything with him. Spencer could never make you feel that way because he isn't that type of a person. Though, that gesture of waiting a little was very sweet.

But now, you are beyond ready to be with him again.

All of that is what has led you to his apartment parking lot, unannounced. You got ready and now are going to take the initiative. As you reach Spencer's door, just like you have multiple other times, you knock. Your composed demeanor is nothing like your current thoughts and feelings...

All you want is to feel him inside of—

"Y/N?" Spencer says, confused at your sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?"

You don't give him an answer, just pushing your way into his apartment. Your eyes travel to his lips. No time for talking.

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