𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙚𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 // 𝙩𝙤𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙖 𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡

twenty three.

a/n okay so just a recap of where we left off just so that this isn't a shock to any viewers; courtney and duncan just went on a date in the woods where Justin showed up, still hot for our beloved CIT. justin then pervertedly touched courtney and knocked her out.

This gonna be a lonngggg chapter

YALL I MIGHT WRITE A SNAPCHAT BOOK SOON-

TW// ⚠️rape⚠️

courtney.

violated. used. unimportant.

these are the only thoughts that ran through my mind as i was raped. by someone i thought was too self involved to be interested in someone else. guess i was wrong. i never thought in a million years that i would ever go through this. ever. i pretend to be knocked out the entire time. of course i was out of it at first but halfway through... you know.... i came to my senses. my initial reaction would be to wreck the fuck out of him and brake every bone in his body, and trust me i could, but i just stood there. half of the reason that i practically allowed this bullshit to happen was tactical. i had no idea what he was capable of and i detested the idea of him trying anything on me, so i let him be. the second part was that i was numb. so numb. i felt like i was paralysed from the waist down. even if i wanted too, in that moment i just couldn't fight back.

i think the worst part was that i was awake half the time. i felt everything. for those brutal hours i felt like i was being bludgeoned to death. thank god i was on the pill. one of my best friends was already pregnant and if that was me i wouldn't know how to act. i felt so robbed. even though i had done it before, it was always so beautiful, but for those many long hours, it felt like i was screaming but no words fell out of my mouth. the only thing that my body produced were salty tears. i was also concerned for duncan. where was he? had he'd been searching for me this whole time?
he didn't even feed me. it was in the middle of nowhere. i knew it wasn't duncan's fault though. he probably wasn't aware of what was going on.

the biggest pit of it all, was that i had no choice but to face him. everyday. at school.
i couldn't escape it. it was like a massive whole that i was falling into. never ending. and that i was swollen the entire trip down. why did this happen to me? what have i done to deserve to be the girl who got raped? why? it was in the middle of nowhere. i couldn't escape. i was so unfamiliar to the area that my stupid ass believed it would be safer to be raped repeatedly in the middle of nowhere then get lost. it felt as if it was my fault. like i somehow let this happen. my phone was with duncan because i was using the bathroom. oh how i wish i brought it.

once it was over, the feral monster brought me back to my place. like nothing happened. i was too tired i didn't even see him leave. all i wanted was shower and go to sleep. i hadn't slept in forty hours and that was the only thing appealing right now. it would be wednesday the day i was finally home. and of course, my parents were no where to be seen. i wouldn't even know how to tell them. sure they were nice enough but they always expected the best of me. nothing less. so i wouldn't tell them. i had bigger issues to worry about. i cried myself to sleep that night.

after a well needed shower and nights rest, i woke up to duncan on my porch. all i wanted was to be alone, but before i could say anything, duncan rushed to me and hugged me so tight i was being squeezed. i reacted badly. the last time someone was so close to me, i was... well. "get off of me!" i yelled. he stepped back with his hands to his up as if he had been caught for a crime. "can't a guy hug his girlfriend without being attacked! i've been looking for you everywhere! where have you been? it's been what, two days since we last talked! why have you been ignoring me?" even though i wanted to be mad at him, i knew it wouldn't be right to blame him. i kept my distance. he took a deep breath. "look, i'm sorry. i was just excited to see you, i thought you were ignoring me" he said sincerely.

i did not want to show him how weak i was. let him believe that i would ever let that happen to me. i couldn't look at him in his crystals for eyes. they were like an ocean. you could get lost in them. I've always loved his facial features. his strong jawline, jet black hair and that one strand always making an appearance, ridiculously perfect cheekbones, long eyelashes, everything about him. i inhaled deeply. "Duncan, i had s-sex with another guy, I'm so sorry" i lied. he was confused. "no. i don't believe you. there's no fucking way you would have sex with another guy after you lectured me of what i did moths ago. so can you please tell me what's wrong. i promise i'll understand" he finally said as he made a grab for my hand. i swiftly retracted it from his reach. i was still uncomfortable with being touched. not only with Duncan, or strictly men, everyone. too bad for me, the speed at which i moved my hand, allowed one of the sleeves of my dressing gown to fall down my bruised skin.

my boyfriend immediately took notice of the bruises and hickeys up and down my arm. once again, his face scrunched up. searching for an explanation. soon enough he found it. he put two and two together and realised what happened. he dropped his school bag and fell to the floor. he looked as if he was struggling to breathe. as if he was denying what was most likely true. he stood up when he heard words leave my weak mouth. it was now or never. i began to cry, leaving my eyes nothing but dry and scarred. i eventually plucked up the courage to speak and made him face me. i'm courtney fucking suchella and i will make it through this. he looked at me dead in the eyes and examined the rest of my damaged body. only with his eyes. which i surprisingly didn't mind that much. "yes. i was raped. i didn't have sex with him, he had sex with me. i promise it wasn't cheating. i swear." i cried. his body began to tremble and i forgot my pride and broke down. "he did it for forty hours straight. i never thought it would end. i was awake the whole time but i promise i was wishing it would cease soon." i sobbed. then, for the first time in forever, i witnessed duncan trollo cry. his gorgeous irises became angry. like a fire had been lit. his cries looked like a mixture of guilt, anger, sadness and relieve. he seemed thankful that i was alive.

he faced away. guilty of his tears. "why didn't you tell me courtney? i could have beaten the shit out of him!" he said between sobs. "actually.." he began to get up from the floor. i got down to his level and actually cupped his face. this managed to calm him down. my hands felt comfortable around his face and i didn't hesitate to keep them there. was i making progress already? "shhh, please don't do that. besides you have no idea who he is." I said between my own tears streaming down my red cheek into my dry mouth. he looked up at me. "so who... who did this?" he asked. "if i tell you, please promise me you won't kick his ass, i have absolutely no idea what he's capable of now"

"so who is it" he asked again. "was it Scott? Justin?"

"Justin" i mumbled.

"Justin" he quietly repeated to himself. he looked to the ceiling, avoiding making eye contact with me. "Duncan please don't go over there and kick his ass, we have no idea what he's capable of" i said. deep down i wanted to be the one to kick his ass. but that would be plain wrong. I'll leave it to prison to sort him out. eventually.

"you're so, so strong pri- courtney. i don't know what i would do without you. i just hate him so much. so much. you are the definition of perfect. don't ever, ever let that porcelain fucker define you and steal your life and make you feel unworthy. please, please don't be mad at me. i beg you. i will give you all the space in the world. just don't be mad at me. that's all i ask" he said with a raging passion. all though i was extremely grateful for what he had said, what happened happened. and there was absolutely nothing i could do about it other than recover and find some way to heal from this nightmare. he stood there. wiping away tears. my face then transformed into an ugly cry. an extremely loud ugly cry.

"I'm too sad to be angry"

and we sat there for an hour or so together. I had to be honest, having Duncan as support helped me out a lot. he looked hesitant, but he hugged me. and i didn't react. I stayed. I was comfortable with him. Duncan was like my home. I could always go to him, no matter how much he screws up. however, no support in the world could mend my heart and what i went through. i guess time would tell.

a/n 1685 words-